Black people talking during the movie.

I want to make a website that re-releases trailers whenever new ones come out that feature black people talking through the trailer. If I had any sort of talent at all. Also, separate commentary tracks on DVDs for 'black people talking during the movie.'

Gift Card Exchange Website

It's a website that facilitates the trading of gift cards. You can post the amount on the gift card and what it's for, and then search for someone to trade with. Instead of trading the actual gift cards through the mail, the website would transfer the balances on the gift cards to new gift card numbers and those new numbers would be emailed to the users when the trade is made. You can still shop at brick-and-mortar stores with just the numbers rather than actual cards because most stores are able to type it in manually at the registers.

Baby Cheesus

A cheese mold shaped like baby jesus, resting in a manger made of crackers and breadsticks.

Keyboard with mouse.

When I'm not really typing much, I sit further back and just use my mouse and it annoys me that I have to move up to type small words, passwords and such. I'd like it so that, if I wanted, a keypad appears on screen and I can use my mouse to hit the letters.

Pandora ideas.

Well, me and Josh aren't doing anything with them. Co-credit to Josh on all of them.

1) Similar to the ability to tag songs in iTunes according to lyrical content (sad, leaving, other, more complex emotions) idea from a ways back, this would let you type in 'sad' in Pandora and it would be more themed music.

2) When you go into Target, you can text Target a '+' or '-' to tell them that the song they're playing is good or bad. Enough minuses and it goes to the next song. Enough pluses and they'll play more songs like that.

Party Playlist Generator

Enter different characteristics of your planned party, and the generator spits out a playlist of songs you should play. You would be able to describe the type of people attending your party (college friends, co-workers, family member, etc), the probability that people will be dancing, whether you want familiar songs or obscure ones, and choose which genres of music you want in your playlist. Partnerships can be formed with digital music stores, and the site can link to those stores where you can buy the tracks in your playlist.

When a plant needs water,

it should, like, beep or something. Or become sentient and be interesting.

Cigarette companies should cure cancer.

Problem solved.

Transporting food.

Something to put on your car seat so that whatever food you're transporting doesn't go every which-a-way.

Live video of your desktop.

So I was trying to explain design-y things to someone earlier and I had to keep making pictures and uploading them and that was slow and annoying. This is like video-chat, except the video is focused on your desktop. Live feed of your desktop. So if a designer is showing work to his copywriter, for instant, relevance, etc., they can move things left and right and change colors and their partner can see and comment on the changes over many distances, rather than saving as pictures and sending, saving as pictures and sending.

The only thing we lack

is an entrepreneurial spirit. A website that allows people to put up ideas and then pair them with people who are willing to put up capital for that idea.

Theaters that block cellphone reception.

I was in a theater last night and I noticed I didn't even need to bother cutting my phone off because there wasn't any reception. Theaters should, like, lead paint or asbestos so that nothing can come through so that it's not even a problem. I'm sure this could be argued as some sort of new-fangled 'fire hazard' but you know what, motherfucker?

Private twitter.

I tend to just send things to Twitter that I need to remind myself of later 'cause I ain't got access to my book or some-such, but I still want to be able to share links and other like-mind. What do I do??? Give me an option where I can just type some sort of code that sends certain messages to a private Twitter and the rest go pooblic.

Here's what I want.

I'm big on music videos, especially lately, and the way I work it is that I open up two windows, put Youtube to the side as far as it will go, and let muh regular browsing take up the greater portion of my screen, which ends up more often than not to be annoying and cluttered. What I want is some way to add a Youtube feed in the bottom right or left corner of a screen that plays videos at sized portions that I indicate, so it can stay safely out of my way as I do my browsing shit.

Motherfucker, I made a visual example because I am a cool motherfucker, and am unable to describe things properly:

Team Apparel for Grandmas

My grandmother loves the Phillies. My grandmother also loves wearing embroidered sweatshirts with flowers and puppies. I could never buy her a team sweatshirt because she would look more like a crazy sports fan than she would my grandmom. I know they make college sweatshirts in the grandma style that say things like Hokie Grandmom or Gamecock Grandma, but I don't know if I've ever seen similar styles for professional sports teams. What it all boils down to is I want to buy my grandmom a Phillies sweatshirt with flowers and puppies for Christmas.

Ranked list generator

I was thinking of this idea in the context of online communities that discuss music, books, movies, or restaurants. Toward the end of the year, members of these communities like to make "best of" lists and usually you end up with a lot of different lists and no real accumulation that represents the community's overall "best of" list unless someone takes on the task of tallying up the votes.

There should be a website that takes care of the dirty work. One person from an online community would create an account or group for his or her community, then the members of that community would go to the website to submit their lists.

Since there would not be someone to correct spelling mistakes on the lists (like if someone wrote Kayne West instead of Kanye West), perhaps users could make their lists by searching Amazon, iTunes, or IMDb and selecting the correct album, book, song, or movie.

You could also get a lot of interesting data from the lists that you might not get otherwise unless the person in charge is good with statistics or is an Excel wizard. And these lists don't have to be limited to favorite entertainment things. Maybe you want to compile a list of everyone's favorite words or something.

Another randomizer

A program that shuffles and combines 1. an iTunes song and 2. a video (YouTube, Vimeo, youu knoow). Like Daft Punk and a dancing cat. It works!

Another iTunes idea

I think we have a few of these, but whatevs.

I wish for an option on the iTunes Store to let me listen to the previews of all the tracks on an album without having to click on each track individually. That is all.

Grocery Store

I think someone should start a grocery chain for college towns and near young professionals where not only do they sell food, but each piece of produce/meat/etc. has instructions for how to clean, prepare, and store it, and suggestions of recipes to make using the product. I would go to this grocery store for the rest of my life if I could. I always need inspiration, and I definitely need help knowing how to clean mushrooms, or what I need to make mashed potatoes other than the potatoes themselves, or what goat cheese with honey can be used for.

I'd probably spend way too much money, but I would be a brand loyalist SO fast. I'd pay higher prices for this kind of guidance.

Comic books!

I always thought it would be interesting if, in a comic book, each of the characters were drawn by a different artist. So rather than it being this one, uniform look, it'd be a whole hodge-podge of different art styles in the same panel. Same could apply to different directors directing different actors in the same scene. More of a weird experiment than something good, I imagine.

Earring tracking device

Kind of like a lost child locator, except for ear bling--because nothing is worse than an elusive earring (so I've been told).

Baby Bananas

Like baby carrots, 'cause I really never want a whole banana, but once you peel it the rest gets all brown and ick. 

Clay.

With the below in mind, I saw something on the internet yesterday that led me to believe it was going to let me sculpt something in clay by using my mouse. It couldn't, but I wanted to.

New tools for CS5

A Crayola expansion pack for CS5 ('cause I'm sure it will come out before we know it) that has the classic 64 crayon colors, crayon texture tool (that you can also decide how hard to press down), and a tool to do that awesome leaf texture thing.

Also, a silly putty tool that makes a reverse stamp that you can stretch and modify. I realize you can do this already using a combination of existing tools, but I want the mouse to actually be a blob of silly putty. 

Un-Twitter.

It seems there isn't a way to send a text to delete the message you accidentally sent to Twitter.

3-D t shirts

When someone asks: "Hey, what's on your shirt?" you can hand them a pair of 3-D glasses, they look at your shirt, and say "Whooaah, cool."

Cosby sweater

t-shirts.

a short film

a ham's journey to see santa.

a craigslist notification system

where i enter my location and key words. then i get an email from craigslist whenever a posting is made with that key word.

a website

as a desktop background. this way i can watch that live feed of puppies without having that window open all day.

a site

where i can upload my photo. then i can put my photo next to different breeds of dogs. this way i will know which one i look best with.

a pandora

of books samples to see what im getting into before i invest in a reading the whole book. also when i thumbs up a sample it'll know my kinda books.

a pandora

for color palates.

a pandora

for food options.

a filter

a filter that dulls the piercing screams of teenage girls during movies whenever a hottie comes on screen. or perhaps a movie time specifically for teenage girls only. you know, like they do when it's a mom friendly movie but for teenage screamers.

An idea for surveys

No one likes taking marketing surveys. Everyone loves Family Feud. Why not have marketing surveys that include a few questions that will be used on Family Feud? I don’t even know if they even tape the show anymore, but they should. And they should bring Richard Dawson back to host since he was the only good one. Not only will marketers get the answers to their questions, but they will also learn the most common response to “Name a food you can’t resist.” Potato chips.

Paper Pamperer

Kind of unnecessary, but I hate how when you buy printer paper, you have to keep it in the cellophane/paper wrapping in order to keep it together, free of dust, safe from crumpling, etc. It always ends up getting all torn up and stuck between notebooks and folders and looking really stupid. I just want a nice sized box that I can open from the side that will allow me access to my printer paper without dealing with the packaging. Bonus points if the box is spring-loaded so you never have to grapple around on the bottom and bend the last few pages trying to get them out.

Back to school donations

There is always a need for school supplies for low-income families and so there's always drives. While Target and others often benefit from said drives by offering their stores as a dropoff site and putting together tidy packages of the basics for altruistic consumers to donate, why not also offer to collect used supplies as well? I knew a ton of kids, including myself, who unnecessarily bought new supplies pretty much every year, but we'd always end up throwing away old stuff that was still in good condition. Just a way for brands like Target to do a little more good without necessarily making money off us (though I'd think the feelings of goodwill towards the brands would end up translating into sales anyway.)

Thumb Drive Wallet slot

For wallets and/or purses, a slot perfectly sized to house my thumb drive so I don't have to dig around my purse for forever looking for the only items smaller than chapstick.

Wikipedia: The School

Material from all classes will be taken from Wikipedia. Just to see what happens.

Mac shutdown.

I have to wait for my laptop to completely shut down before I can shut it. I'd like it so that I can hit shutdown and close the laptop and it'll just do the work while it's closed.

A Pandora

for music videos.

Syncing capabilities for ipods

So when you go for a run with someone you can listen to the same tunes at the same time. Or you can sit in a silent room with someone and still be listening to the same thing. On your headphones of course.

An idea for last.fm

This idea doesn't come from me directly, but it was an interesting thought I heard from someone regarding last.fm. Last.fm tracks the songs and artists you listen to, but it doesn't have any statistics based on time listened.

Let's say you spend an hour at your desk listening to music. If that time was spent listening to punk music, you might go through more songs and artists in that time period than if you were listening to prog rock, based on the average song lengths in those genres. Over time, this would skew your stats, and while you might spend equal time listening to punk, your stats based on the number of songs will probably show you listen to punk a whole lot more.

Youtube shuffle.

Cuts to a new video after fifteen seconds. Listen, I could go all day.

Website shuffle.

Same idea as below, except it sends me to a random website and I can stay or I can leave or I can not pay attention. Whatevs, dog.

Tv shuffle.

You know how in car radios, there's that setting that allows you to hands-free surf radio channels? What's that called? Tuner? I don't know. Anyway. I want that for my TV. I can just put it on a channel, and every minute or two, it switches to a random channel, and it keeps doing that until I find something that seems interesting. I can luck into something I would never have clicked on otherwise. Anyway.

Model Rollercoaster Sets

Like model train sets, but with rollercoasters.

Smart Rings

Cell phones that measure the loudness of the area you're in, and then alter the ring volume accordingly, so it's just loud enough for you to hear.

Compliments of Jordan, PR extraordinaire

Borrow.

I don't need to buy a staple remover, I just need to use a staple remover. I wish there was a store where you could go in and borrow a stapler or a staple remover or a post-it-note or an envelope or a ruler for ten minutes instead of having to go all out and buying it and then it taking up space and you never using it again.

I want to turn my TV into a radio.

I like to go to sleep with my TV on to drown out my loneliness and despair. However, the flickering lights don't do me good. I want a 'sound-only' option. Yes, I want to turn my TV into a radio.

Measuring Tape Tape

Might take a little math, obviously, since it won't always start at zero, but I hate dealing with the measuring tape bending/retracting.

Another iPhone app

A digital compass, for those of us who are cardinally-challenged.

A collection of blogs.

Inspired by Ari's Brandcenter brief and Dave's comment. It would be nice if there was a group set up where we didn't actually have to post directly to this blog. For instance, everyone in here posts in their own blog, but they tag their post so that it would appear in this blog. So there's less management of blogs. To the Brandcenter thing, if the student/faculty/alums are a part of the group, the Brandcenter blog page would constantly update with the various people updating on their own blog. If that makes sense.

iPhone Application

It'd have a huge catalogue of recipes for appetizers, main course, side dishes, dessert, etc. so that you can get everything you need at the grocery store on the way home from work instead of having to go home, look up recipes, and leave again.

Bonus points if users can add their own recipes to the catalogue.

Exit polls

Watching election coverage right now and they are talking about information they have received from exit polls, mostly related to demographics and how they voted for president. I want to know more about these people. I want the exit polls to reveal what people ate for lunch, what they listen to most on their iPod, what the last movie they saw was, or if they are dog or cat people.

A Site

like Twitter, except instead of having status updates, people put what they ate/are eating/are going to eat for lunch.

Soundproof rooms for rent

Originally I was thinking this idea could be for people who need a place where they don't have to worry about being loud so they could practice an instrument, play music as loud as they want, yell, or do some woodworking or whatever. But if the rooms are all soundproof, I guess it also doubles as a quiet area so if you need a place to study to get away from a loud apartment building or campus building, that would work too. Rooms could be rented at an hourly rate and cost will depend on the size of the room.

Ticket window movie ratings

After you watch a movie at the movie theater, you should be able to give it a score and/or write a quick one-sentence review at a kiosk (!) in the movie theater. The scores and quick reviews can be displayed along with the movie times on the board above the ticket window.

This would be helpful for the people who show up to the movie theater either with no idea what they want to see or if they are trying to decide between a few different movies and they haven't read the reviews online or in the paper.

For movie theaters, it could be a measurement aside from ticket sales to help determine how many screens and showtimes to devote to a movie. If there is a movie with a high rating but not many ticket sales, they might be more inclined to keep it but only for few showtimes.

For movie studios, it could help determine what type of films are popular in different cities or regions.

Study guides

For personality tests like the Myers-Briggs test. So you will know how to ace them and get the personality you desire.

A computer with blinders.

Even I think this is stupid but I keep thinking about it so it needs to come out. A laptop screen with, like, fold-outs that make for more screens. All my desktop icons can be in the right blinder, my AIM or iTunes in the left blinder, and that leaves the middle free for my multimedia. I could do a drawing, I guess. Panorama. I don't know. Shut up.

A Google thesaurus search.

So, like, when I look up 'green dookie,' Google will have an option where it looks up 'turd' and 'shit' and 'feces' as well as the designated moniker so that you're sure to find what you're looking for, despite how you word it.

yogurt flakes

just like mashed potato flakes but yogurt instead. 

No-Spill counter

A built-in patch for under your soap on your bathroom/kitchen counter that soaks up the water that spills when you reach for the soap and transfers the moisture back into the waste water.

Wireless picture transfer

Geez, it's annoying to have to plug in your camera every time you want to upload pictures. Why can't one do it via Bluetooth or something? If this already exists, at least I was able to vent about it. Aaaah, yesss...much better.

Walk-Up Drive-Thru.

I'm not entirely sure why I can't walk through the flim-flam drive-thru, and so if their problem as I assume it to be is that they don't want skidmarked motherfuckers, then give me a walk-thru lane. Thank you.

Google images.

Should work like Facebook pictures where you can just rotate through them by clicking 'next.'

Movie clubs.

Last week, I saw a horror movie at a club and while it was possibly the worst viewing experience I've ever had, I think there's room for a movie club. Like, how new bands come every night, they'll play a new movie every night and you can drink and talk to other people during the movie and, if you don't want noise, there's a cordoned off area where you can watch it without people yelling at the screen and shit. All right!

Web-based OS.

Being able to use something like your Google homepage as a way to access the contents of your whole computer. So you don't have to leave your web browser to look at the contents on your computer. Your personal pictures can load in the browser, your music and videos can play in the browser. Sorry, this seems simple and unnecessary right now, but I feel like there's a bigger idea here.

Socks

When I take off my socks, they usually come off inside out. They should make socks that are the same inside out as they are regular so you don't have to spend time flipping them back when you do laundry.

Man, laundry sucks.

a book

this book would tell you who invented which words. because sometimes i want to know who first penned the word 'banana'.

Pre-show.

I've got a soft spot for when studio-audience shows open up and they seem to be reacting to something someone in the audience said during the pre-show warm-up. It'd be nice if they showed the audience warm-up online before the show so that 1, people like me who get really excited about The Daily Show can understand what Jon Stewart's starting jokes are about and 2, people like me who get really excited about The Daily Show can pump up for the show while my sister's finishing off Law & Order.

Thank you.

Sorta like water shoes, but socks

Socks that are water-proof on the bottom and up your foot about a centimeter, then super breathable on top. Good for shoes that aren't meant for walking on wetness, like Toms in the winter or after some rain, Uggs, and other brands that have more penetrable soles.

Inspired by my years as a rower, continually walking around in damp socks from walking on the dock before we got our shoes back. (For those who don't know, the shells have shoes bolted into them, so you have to take your shoes off when you get in)

Unfolder.

I'm sitting here trying to pull thousands of files that are hidden in sub-folders upon sub-folders all into one folder and it would be nice if there were some program that un-foldered everything into one spot.

The CD Slinger (TM)

A distant cousin of the this. A device that automatically loads your CD collection (if you have one) into your computer, and ejects it when it's done importing. The result: an all-digital music library, without lifting a finger.

The Golden Sperm

A children's story about sex.

Sleep headphones

They'd play music on a timer until you want to fall asleep (or better yet, reads your heart rate and turns off once you're asleep) and then also has an alarm so you can fall asleep with headphones on but still hear your alarm in the morning.

"He's going to kill himself...

if he doesn't kill himself first!" A slapstick comedy about a man trying to fake his own death.

Movies on TV

When searching through the movies playing on digital cable, it should tell you every time that week the movie is playing. I might want to watch Berry Gordy's The Last Dragon now if I know that the only other time it is playing is 3am on Wednesday. I know you can see the TV schedule on a movie's IMDb page, but it would be easier if you could see it on the digital cable guide.

Barber patrol

A website, a la Angie's List, that specifically reviews barber shops in certain cities. Users could submit before/after photos, written reviews, and ratings on a scale from "Billy Bob" to "Cher."

Aerobics, performed by pirates

No logical basis for this to exist. I just keep thinking about it, and wishing that it did.

iChat Away Messages

When I hover over a buddy's away message to read it, sometimes I can't read the whole thing at once because the message is too long and the text box disappears after a few seconds. They should make it so the box doesn't disappear until after I move the mouse.

And would it kill them to put clickable links in away messages?

An option.

To be able to read a blog from back to forward, rather than most current to least current. For instance, I've got the 'Dear Restaurant Employee' section of my blog that I link to on my website that needs to be read from the bottom up. I want it so it can be read from the bottom up.

itunes shuffle

a way to shuffle between all the shared playlists. that would be a true shuffle. also, in the event someone takes their music off the shared list you have others to fall back on.

Live Comedy Radio Station

For when I'm having stand-up/improv comedy withdrawal.

Netflix partnering with imdb.

They're both great sites on their own, but I'm still going to imdb first to look at movies. All I want is an 'Add to your Netflix queue' button somewhere.

Movies on trains.

Movies to rent on the train. It's a captive audience.

Big fan of kiosks right here.

I'm making an assumption that the vast majority of people who pass through Total Wine aren't connoisseurs, and so lack a wine-memory for shit they've tried in the past. There should be a a a a a a kiosk! that you can tell what wines you've tried previously (because you've been given some sort of, I don't know, Total Wine card that tracks your buys) and you've been able to go online piss-drunk to rate your wine choice. Now you can go back to Total Wine and a) get the wine you bought whose name you can't recall and b) see other wines like the wine you liked so if you want to stay in the same ballpark, well, there you are.


Whatever outbrain's done with the ratings system now, I agree, sucks.

Drinkholders

on bus/plane/train/etc. I am unclear why this doesn't exist.

Texting three-way.

Like a group chat for texting.

Pocketbooks

with special lining so you can steal food from the buffet.

A "See 'n' Say"

For obscure/exotic animals, like the okapi, or narwhal.

Medical Miracle

Some kind of serum you can inject into the pituitary gland (thats the one that controls sweating, right?) that makes your sweat smell different--maybe changes the chemical makeup thus creating a more pleasant smell.

IMDB for Brands

So I can see what advertising has been done for a brand over its entire life. Also would be helpful to know WHO did what ads.

IMDB for ads

An online database that lists and cross-references actors from commercials. Then I could figure out how many spots that Asian dude from the current AT&T commercials has been in.

A button

in your car that bookmarks songs you hear on satellite (or perhaps old school) radio so you can download them later.

pressure sensitive brake lights

The harder you hit, the brighter they get.

Guy on street

who offers to smell your breath for you. Partnership with some mint company, I don't know.

Thesaurasaurus

A program that translates text from everyday language to dialects of the past. You could use it to email a friend in Shakespearean English. Or film noire. And of course, cave man.

Wish I'd thought of it

Please ignore the added "journalistic flare."

Make it portable

Heated towel racks that you can put next to your pool or install at community pools to eliminate the blue-lip syndrome of small children everywhere.

Dimensionalize Measurements!

You know how we have those measurement/currency websites? It doesn't do me any good. What is five pounds? What is 24 Hong Kong dollars? There should be a website that converts abstract measurements into something more tangible to understand.

So I'd type in 6.2 pounds. Then it'd tell me that's the equivalent of carrying a small, retarded puppy.

For fake-bakers

UV-protective contact lenses so you don't have to wear those weird little goggles that give you the reverse-raccoon look.

Big Bowl of Pickles:

The Movie

Eyedropper in Word.

So that when something comes in as a different font, size, color, etc., you can just eyedrop it to be similar to the rest of the text.

Big Bowl of Pickles: The Restaurant

I've eaten at my fair share of sandwich shops over the years, but I have never received a big bowl of pickles like the one I got when I ate lunch at the Rye Ridge Deli. Is it customary for delis to give you a bowl of pickles before your meal? I've never seen it before.

If that is their "thing" they should make a bigger deal of it. Rename the restaurant Big Bowl of Pickles. The locals would call it "Pickles." The local kids, however, would simply call it "Picks."

Cartoons!

One of the things you're bound to talk about with friends is the cartoons you used to watch as a kid. Not sure what it is, but everyone has stories about their childhood cartoons, and still love to find them on TV. I want a channel that is devoted to just playing the original Doug, Rug Rats, X-Men, Thundercats, Transformers, etc.  Like Nick-at-Nite, but instead of old sitcoms, old cartoons.

Online yearbook archive

You know how on issuu you can view magazines and other documents online? Well this would be the same thing except it would only have yearbooks. You can search by location, school, year, etc. Most importantly, you would be able to bookmark your favorite headshots.

time zones for postings

it would be nice if every person contributing to a particular blog could choose the preference of their time zone. then when their posting comes up it would say 5:40 pst or 2:30 est instead of all coming from the same time zone even if all the posters aren't in that time zone. that would make for a more accurate blog. 

pantone moleskine

each page would be a new pantone color. the colors would be in order. that way you can have a color picker with you wherever you go. also, it would be pretty.

magazines

where every page is perforated for your connivence. 

a sense of humor

for eb, post haste. 

a thing

on the side of eb like batteries to test whether or not he will approve of an idea for this blog. that way you won't waste your time writing ideas you think are good but eb deems as zero star ideas.

Markers

that have things on the side of them like batteries do to test how much juice they've got left in 'em. That way you wouldn't have to open, test, and close an entire box of markers just to see if they're worth keeping.

Airport.

I'm trying to get a ticket here and, for me, there's three possible places I can fly into but I can only check them one at a time. I want it so that on Priceline or equivocal that I can type all three in as possible destinations so I can see all at once what the cheapies is.

Email notifier

A way to see what someone's reaction/expression is when they read an email you've sent. And maybe how long they spent reading it and how many times they may have gone back to it later.

An uber-informative city website

where people can post "reviews" on different neighborhoods in cities and describe them for people visiting or moving. They could also do reviews for apartments and landlords and whatnot--I know there's a kind of shit list of landlords website, but this would be more inclusive. Try this restaurant, don't go below Geary Street, etc. 

Maybe I wouldn't have tried to get an apartment in the Tendernob if this existed. 

Anyone could post and it'd be like an all-inclusive introduction to new cities.

An advertising wikipedia.

Maybe these already exist on those sites you have to pay for or sign up for or I already have access to I just don't remember what Adcenter's passwords are, but it'd be nice to have a detailed history of every campaign for a product and who did what and where and when and how and whosits and whatsits.

Facebook.

On Facebook, you should be able to organize your friends. So, for instance, when you search for your friends, you can tag them as undergrad or graduate school or work friends, even if they haven't labelled themselves as belonging to any of those institutions. For your records only, so they wouldn't have to request confirmation. I think they sort of do this, I'm just making it complicated.

Another Prediction

People are going to start referring to Obama and Biden as 'Joe-bama' and McCain and Palin as 'McPalin.'

Red pens.

There should be a red pen option in word files, texts, documents, etc. where you can go back in and make quick additions or comments without having to highlight them all and changing the color to red. You can also look at the document with all the red pen marks left out.

Dictionaries.

Dictionary sites should have a 'favorite' option so you can add all the words you like or come across into a list so you'll aaaalways remember them. And you can, uh, look at other people's lists if they have similar favorite words. Anyway, bye!

Adult Mangers

sleep like a baby jesus.

Sensor of humor

A way to tell by looking at someone whether they have a sense of humor and what kind (poop jokes, political, sarcasm, etc) so you know whether the hilarious story you're about to tell is going to go over like gangbusters or leave them shocked and/or disappointed.

So I'm freelancing.

And I'm writing my ideas in a text file. And they've got headers, and then sub-ideas. And you know how on some Flash or Java sites, you can click the arrow beside a header, and it opens and closes the sub-headers? I want to be able to do this with my text file, so that I can look at my big ideas at once, and then open them individually to add my sub ideas.

mochadog

chocolate covered hotdogs. de-licious. 

.25 cups.

If people want their customers to care more about the environment or whatever that shit is, they should charge them for paper cups. If you bring in your own cup, you're cool, but they should visibly and audibly announce that if they use a paper cup, it's going to cost them, say, an extra quarter. One, more people will bring in cups and two, the money they get for paper cups can go to some environmental mumbojumbo. I would of course boycott anyone who made me pay for a cup but someone might respond to this. Inspired by Slate.

A drag queen name

Mrs. Hippy - a southern bell with legs from ya-ya to ga-ga.

A prequel

to 28 Days Later and 28 Weeks Later:

28 Days Earlier- A Romantic Comedy

Club Sandwich

A nightclub with a full bar, live bands and DJ's, and DELICIOUS SANDWICHES.

obscene message in a bottle

Bottles to be strategically placed along the most picturesque beach shores of the world. Messages to be obscene, hateful and/or generally poke fun at the reader for being a sentimental fool.

A post ratings thing.

I would like to add a post ratings thing to the blog so that we can rate each other's ideas, but that shit seems to be not existing. So that.

Fueled by Fat

I had an idea a while ago for gyms that create usable energy by the members. Turns out these actually exist, but I'll do it one better:

Make the gyms free, and have the members pledge to work out a certain amount, hence create a certain amount of energy. If they don't reach their monthly quota, they pay a typical membership fee. It gives people the incentive to work out beyond wanting to be environmentally-responsible, especially because that desire hardly outweighs the desire to finish the work day and not move til the next one begins.

If necessary, these gyms could align themselves with local businesses that would benefit from the generated energy (and the positive PR) and help sponsor the gyms.

Switch Pitchers

You know how in baseball there are switcher hitters who can hit from both sides of the plate? Why aren't there pitchers who can pitch with both arms? If one arm gets tired, they can just use the other.

I want to do a skit

where a guy picks his nose and doesn't have anywhere to put his booger so he puts it back in his nose.

Harold and Kumar

Buy A Wii.

a clothing store for expecting mothers called

bumble bean

alphabetical order

an option in word to highlight the list you just made make in word go in alphabetical order. i would like it very much if this already exists and i just don't know about it. 

Pre-pay at the pump.

When you pre-pay with cash, the attendant makes it so that your gas can't possibly go past the money you gave them. If you gave them $30, when you're pumping your gas, the gas stops pumping at $30. This is nice, except you can't do the same thing with credit cards. It's more a pay-as-you-go with credit cards. It'd be nice if you could swipe your card, enter in the amount of gas you want, and pay less attention to trying to not cross the .00 boundary so you don't have to pull out your copper.

a bookmark profile website

a place online where you can upload all of your favorite website and blog addresses. then the website displays the sites in a way that you can see the home page updated to that minute. that way when you are going to all of your favorite blogs and websites you only need to go to one site to see which ones have updated. that way you don't waste your time making new tabs of blogs/sites that might not have updated materials.

or a feature that you could have on your bookmarks that would show you a thumbnail of website to see if you needed to go to it or not. 

like thesuperficial.com

but instead of celebrity news it would be real news. 

**clarification for eb** this site would be a blog that makes me laugh about things happening in the news. also the superficial headlines are much funnier than those on cnn.com or any other new site i've seen and i would like that for real news in addition to celebrity gossip.

a purse compartment-

made specially for sunglasses. so they won't break in 1,000 pieces ever!

Speaking of Passwords,

Wouldn't it be nice if all things worked like this blog, where when you're signed into your email/gmail, it knows, and that serves as your password, rather than having to remember eight hundred passwords for Amazon and Netflix and Home Again and the like. Think about what usually happens—you click the "I can't remember my password" button, and they email it to you. But if you're already in your email...
Also, to Elmer's point, then you'd have more privacy than having your computer remember passwords for everything.

My Legacy

If I ever get the opportunity to put something into a time capsule for future generations to remember me by, I think I would like to put in something really, really important.

Like my house keys.

Widescreen subtitles.

There is little to no reason why the subtitles on widescreen releases do not appear in that blank black bar across the bottom of the screen rather than losing itself in the picture. This is a reasonable request.

Quick locks.

When other people jump on my computer after me and I still have windows up, I'd like it so that I can lock certain windows into place. So, for example, if I have my G-Mail open all day and my mom comes in, she can't bring that window up without the password. Or if I have a bunch of windows up, period, they can't fuck them up and exit out of them. Does that make sense?

Something That

keeps me from getting in a bunch.

television channel

that is for liars. dedicated to slandering and falsehoods.

Off-white socks

To wear when your white shoes fade faster than your white socks.

a pill

that eb takes so he isn't so cranky when people aren't posting on this blog.

Some Kind of Technology for Dumb Phones

where I can send an email to someone's phone number as a text, from my gmail. And I can receive them (I don't have email on my phone.) I fucking hate typing text messages.

Scott Wolf and Stacey Dash

should star in a show together.

I think

we should call the '00s the dots.

truck taxis

say you see something on the street that you want but can't carry home with you. just call a friendly truck taxi driver and he'll help you get your free loot home for you.

Make Your Own Shower Music

With waterproof samplers, keyboards, and drum machines.

You know you want to.

In-Theater Blankets

You can't control the temperature in movie theaters so use the same system that airplanes use to help their passengers feel comfortable. Use small blankets that are sponsored by companies to pay for their cleaning and replacement. That way people can have a blanket and brands are helping that happen.

Itinerary?

Bad name for it.

I tend to open a page and then open a number behind them with the intention of reading them later and, unfortunately, I usually don't get to read everything I want to read by the end of the night. And I want to close my browser and shut down my computer. The easy answer is to bookmark what I haven't read yet, but I don't like that. They usually just clutter my browser by staying there forever, unlooked at. I want to be able to store unread links over to the side, in some sort of itinerary, so I can just check and uncheck it like mail so I can look at the things and, when I'm done, they go away.

I'm sure there are options for this, but I'm looking for something very specific.

Links thought-mapping.

So I go to Wikipedia, say, and on the one article I read leads me to ten other links, which I pull behind that article until I get ready to read it. Those articles lead me to ten other links, which lead to ten other links, etc., etc. All with the intention of reading them when I get to them. I want something that will thought-map the links, from one link to the other, so I can kind of look back and see the structure of how I got from Ramesses II to Manny Farber. Additionally, it will show the topics I was interested and didn't get around to reading, so I can go back later and explore them. Which leads me to my next idea.

Text conversations.

This may just be my phone.

When I go through my text messages, I have to go to inbox for incoming and sent for my messages, so I can't see the string of conversation, so I have to go in and out to retrace the conversation. Which is important, because I forget what I say.

I would like that option.

Umbrellas that automatically twirl.

Being a lady is serious business.

This will never happen but

in public bathrooms, they do you the good grace of having toilet seat covers, but when I pull down my pants, they touch the god-awful floor. Can I get some sort of replacement floormat so I can pull my pants back up without fear of someone else's peepee?

Trivia idea.

Dave's post reminded me.

Before movies, they show shitty trivia games and behind-the-scenes. They should use this as incentive for people to arrive early for movies. Have the trivia on-screen and the first person to text the answer gets free popcorn or if its an entire game, you arrive early so you can win a free ticket for next time, some such shit.

Additionally, and not as importantly, they should have stand-up before movies. I think that would be the cat's meow.

Audiobook radio stations.

Audiobook radio stations.

Doesn't have to be the whole thing, just a chapter. The same way a single represents an album.

the olympics

i don't have a television but i still want to watch the olympics. one would say "why didn't you just go to a sports bar?". but the thing is i would but i'm new to san francisco, which means i don't have many friends yet, and the idea of going to a sports bar until 1am on a tuesday alone is still a little scary for me. this problem could be quickly resolved if they had the videos of the events online for me to watch at my leisure. this would also be helpful because i'd be able to watch all those events they put on during the day that i miss while i'm at work.

and since dave brought up voicemail

a way to change the voicemail lady so she doesn't waste my time with the following message:

"you have one unheard message"
"first unheard message"

the following would suffice:

"your new messages to follow"

another texting idea

a way to get a text message update when the next arriving buses or public transit is coming to the stop you want. this way you know whether to start running or give up and wait for the next bus.

Identify my song.

It's easy to figure out the name of a song if you can remember a few lyrics to Google. But what if you don't know any words, or the words are very general, or it's a song with no words?

You should be able to call a number and leave a voicemail where you hum a few parts of the song you want to find the name to. That voicemail can be sent to a website where people can help you identify the song. The song name will be texted or emailed to you. People who guess correct songs can receive some kind of prize, like a free song download from iTunes or Amazon's mp3 store.

Parking meters.

Same texting idea as below, except it doesn't relate to laundry or oven timers.

Parking meters that text me when there's five minutes left on the meter. Put in your money, type in your number.

Blockbuster mail-ins.

I enjoy actually going to the store and browsing the selection, but the problem is having to go back to drop it off when I have no intention of picking up another movie. It's a waste of a trip and I'd rather incur late fees than bother. Blockbuster should send their movies out the door not in the plastic cases but those Netflix-styled mail-in envelopes so I can stick it in the mail when it's all done for. If they want to charge me for the mailing, whatever. Forty-howevermany cents is better than the 2.50 restocking fee.

Laundry Machine Notifications

I live in an apartment building (with a ton of other losers who can't afford houses) and we all share a laundry room. My laundry room is garbage because there is only two sets and one of the washers is broken so it's usually in use all the time. But also, I'm a retard because I'll put my stuff in there and then go off and do something else and forget that I have stuff in there. Or if I'm bored, I'll check two times before the thing is done. There has to be a better way.

There should be a way for us to plug in our phone numbers so that when our load it done, it'll send us a text for us to come down and pick it up. Or we can put our number in and add us to the waiting list so that when it's open and it's our turn, the damn thing will send us a text.

During the apartment hunt, one of the landlords showed me their massive laundry room. I bet if we have this system set up, it'll reduce the amount machines each building needs because it'll be used more efficiently.

Unlisten to Messages

I like how my email lets me check off emails as "unread." This is good for when I check my email early in the morning when I'm still out of it, I can mark an important email as unread and I will be more likely to come back to it when I am a little less dazed.

The idea is to have the same kind of feature for voicemail and answering machines for the same reason mentioned above, but it would also be good if you live in a house with an answering machine and you listen to a message that's left for another person in the house. You can push a button to mark the message as unlistened to so the answering machine still does whatever it does to alert you there is a new message.

Pay As You Go Online Storage

There are a lot of great online storage websites, but the problem is that they make you pay a subscription. I don't use it all the time so it's really wasteful. Also, when I do use it, it's more like temporary storage or a place that I can upload then send a link to someone else. There's a short lifespan on that stuff too.

So, for the sometimes/infrequent users like me, they should have a pay as you go system where I'll pay say 2 dollars to upload a 20MB file and keep it there for a month.

EZ Pass for Pay Parking Lots

Any excuse to not have to carry around change and dollar bills.

Smart Random on iTunes

You know how you can rate songs with stars? It would be nice if iTunes compiled the ratings on a network, so when I take 12G of random music off of someone's hard drive, it will play me the good songs. I guess this might have to be done by a third-party, since they probably want me to have bought all that music.

Trail Mix With No Raisins

I feel guilty wasting them.

Movie trailers.

In Wal-Mart and I'm sure other stores, you can pass certain CDs under this scanner to listen to select cuts. I would like for them to do this with DVDs. Scan them and then you can watch the dangblast trailer. I would watch the fuck out of this shit.

a food idea

breakfast flavored pizzas. toppings include but are not limited to: potatoes o'brien, cheese, scrambled eggs, sausage, bacon, canadian bacon, onions, and ketchup.

maybe i'd like pizza if it were in this format. maybe you'd like pizza more.

alex and eb, perhaps you could sell the breakfast pizza in school lunch format.

Horror movies based on the collected works of Simon and Garfunkel.

The Sound of Silence. Hello, Darkness...

Bridge Over Troubled Water. When darkness comes, and pain is all around...

Scarborough Fair. Are you going?


This is the least good thing I've ever been a part of.

waterproof newspapers/magazines

So I can read my celebrity gossip in a hot tub without getting arm cramps.

If only I were 18 again...

I went to a concert last night where I had to get a 21+ stamp on my hand.

Technically speaking, I could have brought in a bag of fake (or real), stamped, hands and demanded that I be served one drink per hand.

I wonder if anyone has tried this before.

IPhone rape whistle application

and a pepper spray application for the next time around.

Glow-in-the-dark spiders.

Let's assume Liz's spider GPS is on this side of incredulous, and try a logical, real-world solution to spider population control.

When you spray the bug spray, sometimes they don't die. It would be nice if the bug spray had glow-in-the-dark chemicals in them so that while they're walking around dazed and confused, you can find them again and perform a killing blow.

email copies of your reciepts

instead of wasting paper, it would be great if companies could just send you an email confirmation for your purchases. i know apple does it for their purchases but it would be nice if they did it at grocery stores and other places where you don't really need your receipt unless you were charged for two almond joy's when you only got 1 king sized one.

double decker matches

the top is for unused matches. the bottom for used matches.

an alarm clock

it won't beep or make a bad noise. it will just start telling jokes. that way you wake up smiling.

a yelp for individuals

a website where people can rate other people based on how good of a roommate they were or whether they paid their bills on time. so rental agencies know which people are the best for their buildings.

a half speed button/elevator speedlimit

a half speed button to press on elevators in these modern buildings. they go too fast sometimes so i hit floors i don't want to go to just to slow the elevator down.

ninjabread cookies

see title.

_________ Gladiators

I want to see how the rest of the world's Gladiators compare to American Gladiators. And I don't want that International Gladiators B.S. Each country has to have their own Gladiators show.

A Cliche Avoider

You type in the cliche, you get back a lot of other ways to say the same thing.

I need this. Right now.

P.S. I know I spelled cliche wrong. I don't know how to get the accent on the Internet. Sorry.

I want to understand

You know how a lot of shows and live events have SAP (Secondary Audio Program) usually in Spanish? They should have these in English for shows on Telemundo and Univision.

Kodak Sightseeing Bus

This is an extension of an idea EB and I had way back when we were doing a campaign for Kodak disposable cameras.

The original idea was to take out ad space on the side of a open deck sightseeing bus. The ad would simply say, in giant letters "(tourists)" with an arrow pointing upwards at the passengers riding atop.

My revised idea is to have the whole tour bus be sponsored by Kodak.

The bus ticket would come in the form of a special edition Kodak disposable camera that you would be encouraged to use while riding.

More to come.

Suicide is Painless?

I was walking across the Golden Gate bridge last week when I remembered an article I just read about a proposed suicide prevention net that would be attached beneath the walkways.

The proponents of the idea say the net will cut down on impulse jumpers. The opponents say that if someone wants to die, they'll just climb over the net.

I say replace the net with something that eliminates all possibility of a romanticized, fast and easy death in the first place.

Like a bed of nails (like the ones that prevent pigeons from landing on top of signs), a fire or an alligator/killer shark pit.

Yes, perhaps a twinge sinister.

But I guarantee I'd think twice.

A mattress-free idea

Hair and make-up stylists at places where you get photo ID's.

Speaking of mattresses...

I would like one that always had a cool spot. Small enough to avoid if you're cold, but big enough to enjoy the refreshment of it.

These are some serious ideas.

When I lay on my stomach, it's my knees that bother. I'd like for my mattress to indent at knee-length, to avoid any problems later in life, you see. All my ideas have to do with laying still as best I can.

The Waiting Algorithim

So you go to an interview and you want to send follow ups after because you really like the place and they told you to stay in touch. But. You don't want to bug them too much and spam them everyday. But. You don't want to wait too long and let them forget you.

What if, we understood how long someone can hold a particular memory like meeting someone? I'm sure there is an average. Then you go in and add points if you think you made a particularly strong impression or didn't talk as much as you'd like and so on. That's a really simple way of building this thing. But as we add more of those "what if's" we can get a clearer picture of that sweet spot between when they'd forget and when they still remember you.

Wouldn't that be easy?

I think I would like

a mattress where the headrest is slightly de-clined. I think I could sleep very well this way. Like hanging your head off the side of the mattress, only not so much.

Window projections

Something that would project video or text or something on dark windows in subways. That way, when you're looking out the window at the scenery and then the train ducks into a tunnel, suddenly you're not the creepy girl checking everyone out in the reflection. And you'd have something to look at besides the dandruffy-haired guy sleeping in front of you.

Shopping Carts

Combine the racecar shopping carts for kids and the motorized carts for the handicapped to make a go-kart shopping cart for 24-year olds.

DVD Chapter Summaries.

I'll get to a point in a DVD and I have to stop and it may be a couple of days before I can finish watching it, and so I can forget what has transpired between the beginning and where I left off. So it'd be nice to have a little summary of each chapter so you can sort of skim and be up-to-date on what's the haps, y'all.

purified water/drink fountains

airports these days make you spend money on drinks since you can't bring them through security. this problem for us would be a perfect opportunity for a water company to have an area on one side of the security checkpoint would have messaging to tell you not to throw out your empty bottle because you'll be able to easily and cheaply refill it on the other side of security.

contacts

these contacts would tinted like sunglasses. that way if i need my sunglasses for a really long time i can wear these contacts instead of complaining that my ears hurt because i've been wearing my sunglasses too long.

free wireless internet

at every airport in the world. forever.

Group photo albums on Facebook.

I've got twenty people with graduation albums, or Coughter's party albums. It'd be nice if there could be a group photo album where everyone could post their photos to the same album. It can still be divided up with who took what if that somehow helps things along.

airplane idea

headphones one jack and two sets of headphones so people in airplanes can watch a movie together from the same computer or dvd player without having to share one set of headphones.
.

Wikipedia.

If I'm looking up something, I'd like to be able to look at all the articles that reference that something.

For example, I got to 'clanging' by looking up Scatman John. I want to know what else directs to clanging.

for a taxi company

i'd like to know how much it costs to go from point a to point b in a taxi before i make the commitment of hailing one. i don't want to get half way there and realize i don't have the cash for the distance i wanted to go. a website like mapquest would be nice. also, this helps because i can give the taxi driver directions since they never seem to know where anything is.

At the laundromat.

I don't want to dry a couple of my clothes because they're new and cotton, so they're just sitting here wet as shit while the rest of my stuff dries, and I'll have to eventually carry everything back in the same one basket I brought it in. It'd be nice if there was a clothes line inside the laundromat, near the window, with the sun coming in, so that they'd be a reasonable level of dry before I have to go back.

Dorito

sauce.

A gossip Wikipedia.

I'm looking up professional wrestlers and I'm reading all about the kayfabe life and what the in-character wrestlers thought of them at the time, but I'm sort of curious to what the public and backstage opinion of them at the time was. Was the general opinion that they were a douche? A 'real good guy'? I think there's a way to be objective about this, just to cull popular perception of them at the time.

Shades for Lightbulbs,

instead of permanent fixtures. Allow me to explain. We have these three light fixtures in our living room. They look like old peoples' toenails, and (this doesn't need to be said) are quite unattractive. I took the glass, toenail part off of one of them, and now it's just an exposed bulb. I think a place like Ikea should make little slide-on fixtures for exposed bulbs. I would buy these.

A musical

about a guy with Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

This is an idea.

an arctic section

at a botanical garden. i know what the desert flowers look like. tell me more about the arctic. plus, you'd get to go into a cold room instead of a hot and humid room.

So you've convinced someone to see a movie.

How does that benefit you, jocking someone else's product? You, the common man. This works like those apartment rental scams where you get 50$ if you convince a friend to sign a lease. You convince someone to see a movie (and I doubt, of course, that they would do this for big-budget movies), and you get points, which can lead to money off your next ticket, money off concessions, a free quarter for the Grab-N-Tote claw game, whatever. You're becoming an ambassador for a movie, so you're getting rewarded for the free advertising. Maybe they do something for you online, one of those interactive things, I don't know, access to DVD material before it's out, I don't know.

Anyway.

Further.

A big deal is made about a movie's opening weekend, but that's not all there is to it. Fellowship of the Ring didn't make 300 million due to one impression per person, it did it because I saw the movie 3 times. Paying 100 million for each ticket. Multiple viewings is how Titanic crosses the billion dollar mark. So, try to get people to see the movie again. If you pay full price once, if you choose to see it again, you get half off. That's more money than you'd be making otherwise and, with a lower ticket price, people would feel less guilty about buying concession food, which theaters get 100% of the profits of.

Additionally, if you go to see a movie again, it can be reasonably presumed you may bring someone new with you, someone you've convinced that this is a good movie, and that person's money may not have entered your hands otherwise, since you're guaranteeing that they have to come back to the same theater in order for this to work.

Pay less for movies!

It's hard to get people to go watch a lesser-known movie. Prices being what they are, it's especially hard, since there lacks that cert-i-fied gaur-an-tee that this-movie-will-entertain-you that comes with bigger event movies.

So.

Movie theaters share theater ticket profits with movie makers. So, what if the movie maker decided to charge less for a certain movie on opening weekend, something more independent-minded, in order to build buzz for that particular movie? Get a bunch of people in the theater, much more than you would otherwise on opening weekend, and have them spread the word about that particular movie until next weekend, when it's full price and more people are wanting to see it?

What if the movie's tanking? Charge a little less, make a little more before it gets pulled from its run.

GPS for San Francisco Cab Drivers

I don't pay forty dollars to explain to you how to get to my apartment.
I know I live in Berkeley and am therefore out of your area. But.

If you had a GPS, you could just type in my address.

a big city idea

like rubbish bins but better. bins you put things you no longer want but think others might enjoy. this way people won't have to dig through your trash for the good stuff.

an idea for supermarkets

color coordination. are you hungry for blue today? perhaps a little orange?

Soundproof Dog Crates

Because my sister's dog won't shut up.

Live Text Updates for Soaps

Don't knock me for enjoying my stories. I'm a busy man and I don't have time to watch/read updates online.

(I can't believe Spinelli made out with Maxie. Eeek!)

A Spider Locator

You know when there a silver-dollar sized spider in your house, and it lives in a corner on the ceiling for a long time, and you're afraid to try and get it out of your bedroom because you don't want to have to get near it, so you just let it live, and then one morning it's gone, and probably in your bed?

It would be nice if there was a gadget for this. Like a metal detector.
Except instead of detecting metal, it detects scariness.

*UPDATE*

The spider just found me. Now, I wouldn't just decide to randomly kill it, but it invaded my personal radius by hiding under a piece of paper right next to my bed. I had suspected it bit me last night, as I woke up with a bite on my face, and now I'm pretty positive it did. So, I dropped a Harry Potter on it. Sorry spider, but you fucking bit me.

Ice trays.

I like to keep the ice in the ice trays and take only what I need and it's kind of hard, with cracking the whole thing and trying to get one out without another coming out. So I'd like for ice-tray singles, which you can take out of the full tray and plop in and refill and whatnot and whathaveyou and soforth.

Grass beds.

The comforts of outside in the comforts of your home.

Chairscalators.

When you're waiting in a long line and the line moves and then you have to get up from your chair and then move down to a closer chair.

The chairs should just move.

A Sunscreen Implant

Like how females can get an implant that delivers no-baby medicine, except this delivers sunscreen to your skin cells so you don't have to apply it yourself.

I'm sure this can work. It's science.

On Wheel of Fortune

You should get bonuses for solving a puzzle with fewer letter guesses.

I was watching the show one time when the category was "Rock & Roll" and the first guess from a contestant was "T." I knew the answer was "Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers." In that situation I would've solved, and I should get a $1 million bonus.

Another iPod idea

You should be able to color code folders on your iPod, like you can in Finder on a Mac.

It would be a great way to bookmark favorite artists or if certain songs are out of order in an album folder (which happens from time to time) you would be able to set yourself a reminder to fix it.

Parked Car Locator

I went to the mall back home this weekend. It was one of those huge suburban malls with the giant parking lots. I sweat to God, it took me 1/2 hour to find my car because I couldn't remember where I parked it.

I think you get like an RFID tag, slap it on your car and have a little thing that beeps louder and faster as you get closer to your car. Or, have the RFID tag and have the iPhone pick up the signal. But it would still have to beep louder and faster as you get closer to your car.

Muted.

Sometimes the TV comes on and is immediately loud. The options are to turn it down really quickly or to mute it, and then press down on the volume. Pressing down on the volume of course unmutes it and, for a second, it's loud until you find the right volume. I'd like for there to be some way for it to either stay muted while you find the right volume bar or maybe a start-from-the-bottom approach, where it starts at the lowest possible volume and you can build up from there. Thank you.

Tags.

Like how you tag blogs posts for content, it would be nice if you could tag the music in your iTunes for content. I forget what songs are about and, if you're making a thematic mix-CD, say, it's hard to search through thousands of songs for similar lyrical content. So like how you can sort by genre and album and all that other shit, this would be a new tab at top which lets you organize by themes. Love, death, leaving, anger, etc.

Also, it would be nice if iTunes let you search through your stored lyrics.

360-597-8483.

Occasionally, you get a call from an unknown number and they leave a barely legible voicemail which makes you think you know them, but you couldn't exactly make out who it was. The first thing I'll do is ask my friends if they know the number but, with telephones being how they are and no one remembering any numbers, it would be nice if they could, say, type in the area code and search their address book for similar numbers.

Temperature-controlled restaurants.

Instead of asking 'Smoking or non-smoking?,' they'll ask whether you want to sit in the cold side of the restaurant or the warm side of the restaurant.

And movie theaters.

A Facebook/LinkedIn Type Thing for Hair Dressers

And masseurs, estheticians, and all of those people. Actually, this would be great for doctors, too.

Whenever they leave a job (or get fired), the places where they used to work absolutely will not tell you where they went, I guess out of spite. It's annoying when you find someone you really like and then you "lose" them.

dog

pudding.

San Francisco-Specific Post

Can the little ticket machines for BART please print out how much money I have left onto the ticket? (This could also apply to all subway systems everywhere.)

I keep confusing my twenty-dollar tickets with my fifty cent tickets. Thank you.

A Competition of the Mundane

I want to see a competition where people compete on super mundane things in life. Toothbrushing. Dishwashing. Oil changing. Vacuumming. Lawn mowing. Commuting. Let's celebrate who can do what we have to do the best. Maybe we'll appreciate it more.

a new kind of zoo

a zoo filled with albino animals. boxcar (the albino squirrel) will be safe there.

My eyes are small.

How about put the recommended dosage right there on the front next to the title. That'd be some shit.

Entertainment at the DMV

I'm thinking movies and arcade games like Big Buck Hunter. Maybe some food too.

a moon dial

so we all know what time it is at night.

since liz brought up nutella

nutbutter mixtures. part nutella part peanut butter. yes, please. also, it's fat-free.

Fat-free Nutella.

That's all.

Noise Cancelling Rugs

For when the guy down stairs insists on practicing those shitty bass lines all fucking night. Seriously dude? Your stuff is so slow and elementary that a coked out monkey with cerebal palsey can rock it blindfolded and drunk.

a clothing line-

where all the clothes are made entirely of marbles instead of fabric.

An Elevated Highway

That goes right over Northern Virginia. No exits, so it's just for people passing through. And no speed limit either.

Seriously, no one likes driving through Northern Virginia.

A rundown timer

that tells you how long you have left before your computer goes to sleep/screensaver.

So I can move my mouse.

Seriously People

You know how some neighborhoods have these signs:



Can we have some that say "Drama Free Zone"?

I'm just saying- why can't your nervous break down about wait until you get in the apartment?

Shampoo and Conditioner

with sunscreen in it, so you don't burn your scalp. Yes, please.

A movie about

a Hibachi chef who cooks Drunken Master style.

But, you know, he wants more.

Customer Rating System

Like customer comment cards for reviewing customer service, but the opposite. Employees at restaurants, stores, and other places of retail get to rate you on how good or bad of a customer you are. A bad rating would be like a bad credit report. The more you are the dick customer everyone hates, the less rewards, sales, and special treatment you are entitled to.

cellular telephones

sometimes i forget my cellular telephone charger places and i can't get to it time before it dies. i want a little baby solar panel on my phone so it can charge while i'm on my way to get my charger.

if it already exists, i just want someone on the street to give it to me when i need it. that doesn't exist yet.

Automatic.

Sometimes I'd like for my AOL and G-Mail to not automatically log me into chatting when I sign in. Maybe there could be a button there to say please do not log me in on those occasions in which I do not wish to speak to anyone.

I had a dream about this blog last night

In this dream someone was in my yard, contemplating breaking into my house. And I thought it would be neat if someone made an alarm system that shot a directed high-pitched noise into your yard to scare off any would-be burglars. So instead of calling the police, I posted that idea on the blog.

And that is my idea for the day. Put this in your dream box, Di.

An Idear for This Blog

Rotating "co-founder" titles.

I got burned by Di pretty good in my last post for forgetting that she was a co-founder. But then I realized that I have more posts than a founder, which means I have more seniority than she does (in terms of posting seniority - haha!). I think we've done a pretty good job so far of keeping up with the posts, but for extra motivation, I think only the top two posters should have the co-founder title. That way you're rewarded for your dedication to this little project and those who slack off (ahem) have some incentive to pick it up.

What do you say?

I can't wait to turn the background of this blog to a nice bright pink with a puke-green comic sans font. =)

sending things collect

who want to send someone bricks but not have to pay for it?

Mobile Music Previewing Device

It would be about the size of your cellphone, and you can keep it in your pocket when going to a record store or whatever your favorite (non-digital) place to buy music is. If you see a CD that catches your eye, you would be able to search for it on your device and you'd be able to listen to soundclips to determine if it's worth buying the CD. I'm thinking it could cost about $10/month for the service, and the device itself shouldn't be too expensive.

I know some stores have listening booths, but most of the time they don't even work. Yeah, I could buy an iPhone but I don't have a billion dollars.

+ -

Sometimes it is the better shape for power plugs to be horizontal to the smiley-face hole and sometimes it is the better shape for them to be vertical to it. How much space your Mac powercord wastes on a surge protector, for example. How about they make it so you can rotate the prongs so that they can be twisted to be horizontal or vertical so you ain't fucking with too much shit?

My Turn to Suck

Meat flavored butter.

Sorry EB.

I have been away. I am sorry.

While I was on the plane to San Francisco, something occurred to me. I always get the window seat so I have something to lean on when I attempt to nap (although I never seem to be able to). Wouldn't it be great, if, instead of hard, plasticky walls, the walls were cushioned? Well, I think that would be great. Then they could get rid of those miniature pillows.

Prizes

For people who "do number two's" in rest stop bathrooms. They really deserve something for putting their lives in danger.

Touch-screen pens.

I usually write at an angle, so I hate having to holding the pen at 90 degrees to tap in my pin or write my name. Can't they do something with the pens to make it so you can just sort of tap it like you're playing the drums? This is my big idea.

Thank you Nien and Dave for not sucking.

Slow Down!

My co-worker was trying to get a phone number off a voicemail but the lady was talking too fast. What if there was a slow-mo function/button for voicemails?

Cameras at Driving Ranges

They would record every swing so you can review how much you suck.

Ocean-fighting.

As an Olympic sport.

Free Food Email Thread

Despite having a job, I find myself sitting alone in an empty apartment with an assload of debt. It's the saddest thing ever. So I'm still hurting for cash, which means I've reverted back to college mode where I'm always looking for free food.

I've jacked more popcorn from the kitchen than I can handle. And since I don't sit in the main building, I rarely get to play vulture after those catered meetings. But there has to be a way to get free food. My friend was telling about how law firms throw receptions all the time. And there are always random happy hours at bars for companies too big for everyone to know each other.

Let be resourceful and share the wealth. Let's update each other on where and when the free food and drinks are happening around the city. I mean, they usually don't finish it and they throw it away anyways.

Who's with me?!

This is a bit borrowed from something

that Nien may remember, but I was sitting alone in Taco Bell today thinking, wouldn't it be nice if there was a big "social" table where people who are alone can sit together. There was this friendly-looking guy that was also eating by himself and I got to thinking about how silly it was that we were both sitting alone. Of course, there was also a creepy old man that wouldn't stop staring at me, so maybe not.

Eye-level trays

for buses and airplanes, for your laptop. It hurts my neck to look down at this thing just to read my comics or watch my movies. Maybe there can be latches as well to keep the laptop from slip-slopping all over the damned place. You heard?

Cool Personality Cheat Sheets

You know those laminated one-page cheat sheets you can get for your classes in undergrad? These would be like that, except they help you talk about cool things for when you are trying to pick up someone at a bar.

A rock climbing cheat sheet would give you climbing lingo and how to use it properly, a list of the best peaks in the world, and famous climbers who you could say you learned from. It will also help you pick a credible injury to explain why you don't climb anymore.

A boating cheat sheet would describe types of boats, the most scenic routes, and what types of sharks you might encounter on those journeys. It will also list several terrible storms you escaped but you boat did not, which would explain why you don't have your boat anymore.

This could be big, folks.

Is there an ad in that?

I heard this afternoon that friends and family of people at a religious retreat in Florida are being healed over cell-phones.

My first idea of the day is for a thesis project:

"How technology is impacting religion/how religion lives in the digital space."

My second idea of the day is for a bumper sticker:

"G.O.D is my H.M.O"

Humiliated into Good Credit

If creditors were wise, they would stop calling and use the internet as their new weapon to get their money back.

People who have really bad credit or have defaulted on loan payments could be put on a special shame list that would appear every time someone tries do a google, facebook or linked-in search for their names.

I really hope they don't do this, because I'd be screwed.

Since They Didn't Want It...

...I'll use it here.

We're trying to sell high end customizable laptops to a bunch of technophiles and geekish people (with a couple of style whores thrown in there). The insight is that these people are going to tell everyone that they're getting one of these things- before they get (making announcements to their friends), as their getting it (freakin' videotaping the unboxing and putting it on youtube) and after they get it (waving it around like it's the shit).

The assignment was to generate awareness (duh) with a little bit of money ("surprise"). So my idea was to take photos of the production of the laptop at each stage and put them on a photostream. You give the photostream to the buyer and that guy is gonna spam all his friends with it and you have a nice prolonged gloating device/word of mouth campaign. Better yet, make this photostream available on Facebook and every time a picture is uploaded on the photostream, it shows up on the feed for everyone to see. That's awareness with little cost (because things are done digitally). Their friends will get the message and hopefully it'll make them want to buy it too.

That was quite therapeutic. I think I'll use this blog as a repository of all my rejected ideas from work. =)

more roller coaster ideas

instead of getting your picture in a sweet, cheesy paper frame of your screaming face, why not be able to buy an audio file of you screaming like a baby?

tested very poorly on the roller coasters that go 1/4 the speed.

a facebook dealy

allowing you to see all your friends phone numbers at one time so you can put them into your new cellular telephone after yours gets lost/broken/set on fire. also, works well when you don't know who is texting you creepy messages.

A Jerry Springer Online Video Game

Because I want to have my own "Lesbian Snowball Fight." It would be like the Sims Online or World of Warcraft, but with more STD's.

a florist -

that ships your house plants to your new home. also, they could hold your plants (a safe plant daycare if you will) and send them when you have moved in. this way your plants are well taken care of during the move and you don't have to give them all away every time you move cross country.

also good for husbands who don't want to spend the money on fresh flowers that will die in three days anyway. they could just keep sending the same plant to their wife over and over again.

the first part tested well on me. i can't speak for the second part. i'm not a husband nor a wife who wouldn't notice the same plant being delivered over and over again. nor am i a wife in general, that i know of.

automobile horns -

that play songs instead of honk. sometimes the song would be nice; sometimes, not so nice.*

*not to be confused with loud radios.

tested well people who like to hear tunes more than automobile horns.

colors and subways unite

paint all platforms one color for the direction the train is bound. northbound-cornflower blue, southbound-canary yellow, eastbound-burnt umber, and westbound-purple/blue.

red/green color-blindness taken into account. purple/blue and blue/purple blindless not taken into account.

suggestion: crayola crayon sponsored/paid for, thank you. media roll out: fall back-to-school time (ie. back-to-understanding-directions-underground time).

tested well on confused nyc tourists who don't understand express trains or underground transportation, not matter how simple the syntax on your signs.

this just in: human whispers are audiable to the human ear

a movie setting for your cellular telephone that directs all incoming calls to a voice mailbox set up to let people know that you are in a movie. suggestions include but are not limited to the following:

a. "they may have made me silence my cellular telephone phone for the feature film, but they can never silence my love for getting a cellular telephone call from you."

b. "good christ, stop calling me. i already talked to you eight times today, and i wouldn't answer even if i wasn't in a feature length film right now. alright, i'd pick up, but i wouldn't like it."

c. "i may or may not be in a feature film right now, but my lack of knowledge of the technological world makes me unable to have multiple cellphone mailboxes, and thus, i must be prepared. just in case."

d. (or you could download special movie messages for big film premieres) for example: "i can't answer your phone call because i'm watching lord of the rings part 67 and it's the directors cut so that's 22 hours of my life in the theater and i drank to much sodiepop. leave me a message and i'll get back to you in at least 3 weeks when i have fully recovered from this long ass epic tale of friendship, adventure, and ringyness."

tested well in focus groups of feature film patrons who hate the following 'conversation' during a viewing:

disruptive movie goer:

"what?"
-

"oh no, no. i can't talk now."

-

"no no, i'm in a movie. i can't talk even though i'm continuing to talk to you right now, instead of hanging up like any decent civilized person would do. all of which is leading you to believe i can in fact talk now since i continue to talk to you."

-

"no, no a movie. yes, ill call you later after ive been beaten with a stick by the entire audience since i obviously know i shouldn't be talking in the movie theater since i was warned three times before the movie started and im whispering like no one can hear me but everyone clearly can hear me since they are all looking at me."

-

"yeah, i've got to go since i'm going to get beaten up over not only talking in a quiet place but also having a conversation about not being able to talk instead of at the very least having a very quick rude information filled conversation about something other than the fact that i cannot talk because i'm in a movie."

maytard

it's mayo and mustard combined in one bottle so people don't waste excess mayo and mustard attempting to make the mixture themselves.

tested well in french fry focus groups.

iPods with Voice Recognition

Because I hate risking my life on I-95 when scrolling from Spoon to George Harrison.

Roller Coasters...

...that go 1/4 of the speed that they normally go. So old people (and perhaps me) can enjoy them. Because you know, the park is probably empty on certain days of the week and those types of rides are too intense for older people (and perhaps me) to handle, but they (and I) still like the idea of being carted around in mid air for about 90 seconds.

You know those hotel beds,

the ones that vibrate? Those would make a nice alarm clock.
Especially if, after a while, they actually throw you out of the bed.

I need to stop sleeping until noon.

And yes, I know we've already had an alarm clock idea.
Bite me.

Pretty simple, really.

But on Facebook and blogs, when you make a post on somebody's picture or post, there's nothing to say that anybody else has responded to that same item and tried to start a conversation about your comment.

First Person Shooters

What if you played those first person shooter games on Wii with the Wii Fit mat thing? What if that means that to look to your left, you have to turn to your left? And if you want to jump, you have to jump?

How cool would that be?

Nice, Portable Furniture

Having spent the past three weekends moving friends and myself out of one house/apartment and into another, I've had a lot of time to analyze the difficulty in moving certain pieces of furniture.

It seems as though the nicer your furniture is (nicer means denser wood, higher quality construction, better design) the harder it is to move. Not only is nicer furniture heavier than what you would get at say a Wal-Mart or Ikea, it also tends to have less area to grip when carrying, which frustrates even the strongest of movers.

If I were into furniture design, I would make pieces that contain handles or areas cut into the wood for gripping. These areas would be discrete (perhaps they would be on the back of the piece), or maybe they would fold into secret compartments once the furniture is put in place. Another option would involve furniture with detachable soft grips that could be stored in drawers after moving.

I have no doubt this new line of furniture will increase the efficiency of furniture moving, and it will let the hired hands get their payment in pizza quicker than ever.

Left to right.

Websites like mine and Diana's are scroll left to right rather than up and down. As far as I know, websites can only load up to down, which means, left-to-right scrollers like the above-mentioned have to wait for everything to scroll before they can really start looking at the page. I think this is right. Maybe I'm wrong. Anyway, I just want to have the option to let my website load from left to right rather than up to down.

Garage Sale Agents

You know how there are a ton of people who love going to garage sales just for fun? You know how there are people like me who have an empty apartment but not enough money to fill it? Wouldn't it be great if you could give them a list of stuff you needed and they'll out and find it for you? Like a personal shopper, but only at garage sales. It gives purpose to their shopping and helps you find cheap stuff.

Glow-In-The-Dark

cars.

Snap out of it, EB.

'Take a Hint' Website

I've been e-mailing agencies lately and haven't heard back from a couple in a few days.

This makes me think one of three things:

1. They are really busy

2. They aren't hiring

3. They aren't into my clever email and/or website and are sick of being bothered by junior creatives

I sure would like to know though.

It would be cool if, instead of wasting time and energy trying to craft a thoughtful rejection e-mail, creative directors could simply send me a url link to a site solely crafted for the purpose of telling me to fuck off.

Farmer's Tan Sleeves

These would be sleeves you put on at the beach to get rid of your farmer's tan quickly. Just sleeves, no shirt. I guess they would be like long gloves, think Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's.

I'm not good at the whole tanning thing, so maybe this wouldn't work.

A spell check

that makes fun of you for spelling things wrong. That'll teach you.

My taste buds are retarded.

I don't like a lot and if you say you like something or, worse, that you think I'd like it, I won't believe you. I'll believe it's terrible, no good, very bad. My taste buds are retarded and I don't have anyone else's taste buds to trust.

I need a service that matches people's culinary tastes.

I need to hook up with a guy who drinks a lot of Mountain Dew and Fudge Rounds and likes BBQ exactly the way I like it. I trust that guy to tell me to try something new and I'll go out of my way for it and I would of course be happy to do the same for him.

I just ate some real good shrimp and grits. Red Sky Cafe in Duck, NC. Shit's bodacious.

Octopus Pilot stage 1 has begun.

Whoa! Storytelling

Most stories I’ve realized are character driven and much of the plot is driven by their development. Not a great insight, but I’m slow. But the thing is that social media is all about the person and telling the their story. I think it’d be a trip either adapt a novel that’s told through Facebook, Youtube, Twitter, Flicker, blogs and whatever or write an entirely new novel using the same devices. So in the end, we end up stalking the character throughout the internet to get the story.

Also, I just read some stuff from the Supernova Conference (http://www.techcrunch.com/2008/06/16/supernova-mobile-connections-forum/) and they were talking about a feature on your phone where you can leave virtual items for people to find in the real world. So then our super internet story can get into the real world and we can walk around find pictures/text/audio/video and get the story in specific locations.

I know this sounds weird and convoluted and probably interesting to 5 people total, but man it’ll be pretty sweet for those 5 people.

Self-Checkout Express Lines

I go through the self-checkout lines at grocery stores to save time. When I have to wait behind some slowbie who scans their groceries as delicately as if they were buying a cart load of Fabergé eggs, I tend to get a little annoyed.

You know how most people have those value cards on their keychains? Since they already store information about what you buy, they should also be able to calculate your average number of item scans per minute at the self-checkout. People with higher scan averages should be able to access fast lanes so they don't have to deal with the amateur grocery store customers.

Singles-Only Beaches

When staring at that girl or guy with the nice body frolicking across the sand, you want to think you have a chance with them because they're at least "available."

Also, 18+ only for obvious reasons.

Submarines

for your swimming pool. This has got to be possible. Like wet little go-karts.

For My Face

You know those razors with the lotion/moisturizer around the blade that girls get to use for their legs? I want one for my face.

Symptoms may include.

In CVS or Rite-Aid or that other one catty-corner to CVS, you go in with a symptom and are assaulted by a wall of options. What I'm suggesting is something like a WebMD kiosk where you type in your symptoms and it halves and halves and halves your options until you get exactly what it is that you want.

The Scary World of the Grown Ups

Yesterday was my first day at work. As I sat there at orientation with two people from HR (that's right two, because I'm a handful apparently) talking about insurance plans, 401Ks and taxes. They had to go over everything twice because I didn't understand any of it...and I still don't. Someday I'll end up in the emergency room and hand them my insurance card and they'll say "oh, you can only use this card to get free ice cream at Dairy Queen."

Anyways, I've been through nearly 18 years of schooling and rarely do I take classes that are practical to everyday living. Sure, I took English - but I can't figure out a mortgage contract. I took calculus - but I can't balance my checkbook. I even took PE - but I barely make it up one of these steep-as-fuck hills in SF. I mean seriously.

My idea is that after high school, there should be a life lessons course where you learn all the grown up things before you have to deal with them. Loans. Credit cards. Leases. Contracts. Insurance. Dealing with government bureaucracy. And so on and so forth. A lot more useful than memorizing state capitols. I mean, how is that going to help me determine my RothIRA plan? Sheesh.

I finally remembered.

Humane bug traps.
You catch the little guy (or very big guy), and then you set him free in your yard.

Two nights ago there was this enormous spider in the dining room.
We had a standoff, both of us pretty scared of the other.

The standoff lasted for about thirty minutes, and then I forgot about him, and he disappeared. Somewhere in the house.

Now, I don't believe in killing bugs. But at the same time, I don't want a spider the size of a silver dollar crawling on my face at night.

Take That, Sky Mall!

I was on an airplane last week and couldn't help but get really antsy after about 20 minutes of sitting in my tiny seat. After surveying my options (sticky in-flight magazine, sleeping neighbor, looking at the back of my tray table) I ended up eavesdropping on a conversation between a German girl and her mother. I eventually got frustrated because I couldn't understand what they were talking about and ended up passing out on my tray table for the rest of the flight.

In retrospect, it would be fun to have a little in-flight entertainment that built some camaraderie between bored passengers and/or made the harsh realities of flying a little more bearable. For instance, some sort of interactive trivia game or an in-flight chat room.

Or airplane bingo.

An airline, lets say Southwest (cheap, fun, etc.) could pass out Bingo cards at the beginning of the flight, and throughout the flight, passengers could check off/daub special icons on their cards every time:

- the seat belt sign goes on
- a baby cries
- the pilot makes an announcement
- the plane hits a rough patch of turbulence
- A flight attendant says 'overhead compartment' or 'electronic devices'
- other things that happen on a plane that i don't have the energy to think of at the moment

And the free space could be the safety demonstration at the beginning. But you can't check it off unless you watch it (wink).

Whoever gets bingo first will get, I don't know, say, an extra cookie.

Tandem

Segways.

Maybe this already exists,

since I've already had two things that do, but I think this would be cool.

When I moved out of my house I gave a lot of my things away. One of those things was my TV.
When we got here we signed up for TV and Internet through Comcast.
So when I watch TV, I go downstairs, but when I want to watch TV in my room, I have to watch something on Hulu on my computer, because, again, I gave away my TV.

Now, I pay for cable, and I could totally have a second TV in my room and that would be free, so wouldn't it be great if there was some Internet-based cable service? Not Hulu, but actual cable. OnDemand on your computer. Included in your cable. I think it would be fucking awesome, personally.

I'm Sorry But This is the Best I Can Do

Typically when you go out to eat the waiter/waitress gets our drinks, orders and disappears for the rest of the night. It's not a problem for most people but I drink a lot of water (the hose that it comes out of adds a certain flavor...) and it's weird when I run out.

However, tonight was another story. Every moment the last sip disappeared into my thirsty mouth and just as the glass was about to hit the table, the waitress had already started pouring more into my cup. Amazing. Go back and read that in slow motion to get the full effect.

I wanted to give her a huge tip but I couldn't afford it, so this is the best I can do. We should do a restaurant waiter/waitress rating system. After a meal, you give them a little rating or go online to some website to put it in. The idea is that if you see that this person is highly rated, you're might be more inclined to tip them. Also, restaurants can use this to screen for the appropriate wait staff to make sure the customer service lives up to the rest of their restaurant. This will also motivate those lazy waiters/waitress who suck to get their shit together. I mean seriously, I'm thirsty over here.

T.G.I Sundays

This is the new name I propose for my church-themed bar from previous post.

Extreme Hobo Makeover

"if homeless people were cute, i think they'd be less homeless." - E.B Davis

Brilliant.

How about a really ridiculous idea,

since I forgot the brilliant one I thought of in the car.

I want some kind of something that makes my fingernails stop growing.
Like birth control. But for fingernails.

I think long fingernails are disgusting, and I keep losing my trimmers.

Bundles People, Bundles

Mentally retarded people like me can't handle all the details. I go into IKEA, come out with a bunch of dishes but no dish rack. I got silverware but nothing to hold it in. A wastebasket with no plastic bags.

I'm not saying they should bundle the whole thing as a set. But maybe they can give me a checklist or something when I walk in. God, it's been a long day.

I think they should start breeding

animals that people won't be allergic to. Fuzzies for everyone!

While I'm on the subject,

I listen to my music real fucking loud. I would perhaps like for there to be a way if this isn't too difficult to make the GPS navigation signals interrupt the music and come through the speakers so I ain't trippin'.

I know what the fuck I'm doing.

GPS is a magnificent tool until it thinks its smarter than you. I just want some sort of Gas/Bathroom Break or I Know What The Fuck I'm Doing button that lets the GPS know to shut up for a second while I handle my shits.

Place Mats for Furniture

The joy of landing an apartment has been replaced by the monumental task of furnishing it in a way that doesn't offend the eye. Several times I asked the leasing agent, "um...so where would the bed go?" only to be answered with a shoulder shrug as they are checking their Blackberry. Also, now that I'm shopping for furniture, I'm not sure what size they can be. I don't have a tape measure or anything like that.

Well, you know how when someone dies, they outline the body's position? Can we have that for furniture? Like paper mats with an outline of a bed or couch or coffee table. The leasing agent can plop them down where-ever for idiots like me to get a sense of how it can be laid out. Idiots like me can then take the mats to a furniture store to figure out if that couch is the right size. I bet a furniture store can sponsor these mats and somehow, magically, have stuff that exactly matches the stuff on the mats.

Since that doesn't exist, any tips on furnishing a tiny studio is welcomed.

A giant spinning beach ball.

Sometimes when I'm at work, dealing with big-ass files and whathaveyou, my shit gets froze up and I got to wait a little bit for it to process. When this happens, however, I feel as though everyone else in my office thinks I'm just staring at the internet and not doing any work while this processing takes place. My solution is to have a giant spinning beach ball which lets everyone else know your shit fucked up. Thank you.

You guys might not agree,

but miniature pretzels are a really disappointing food, especially when compared to their larger, softer brothers.

The soft pretzel, however, is more of a meal than a snack.

What if, we combined the two to create the perfect snack—miniature soft pretzels.

Yes.

Medieval Times

I just saw one today for the first time in 20 years.

And it was glorious.

My idea is to visit, dressed from head to toe in aluminum foil.

Then, after the climax of the jousting tournament, I would ride in on a Segway, giant turkey drumstick in hand, and challenge the winner to a duel with their future self.

You know, just to stir some shit up.

Credit Checks

Before you can rent an apartment, you have to fill out an application and cough up $30 bucks so they can check your credit. It doesn't even matter if you have your own credit report, they have to run their own because yours might be forged. So what this means is that if you apply for say 5 apartments from five different leasing companies that's $125 bucks down the drain because there is no guarantee that you'll get the apartment anyways. God damn it - that's enough for one week in this piece of shit hostel.

How do we fix this? How about if when you get your credit report, they'll mail it to you with a barcode + special hologram + notorized + special stamp + watermark and so on.

That way it's real and un-forgeable. And you only need to pay for one credit report. The leasing people can check it instantly and move on with the leasing process. And the credit report people can go fuck themselves.

And ANOTHER thing.

Whoever I call the most should move to the top of my address book like when Microsoft Word recommends fonts based on what's been used in the document.

Avoiding Awkward Hostel People

I'm sitting in the lobby at a hostel. People are writing postcards, chatting with friends and surfing the net. There's this one guy who is drinking beers and staring intently at everyone else, wondering why no one is talking to him. He looks at me a lot. I think what's lost on him is the romantic version of the hostel where it's a place to instantly make friends. Funny enough, as we become more social online, we become less social offline.

My idea is to get this creep to stop staring at me. Since you have to book beds online through their website, they should ask each person to submit their myspace/facebook pages for other people to check out. If that violates privacy laws then they can just scrape info like the 'interests' and make a tag cloud so we can get a glance of what everyone likes to do. If there is something you like, say drinking beers and staring at people, click on the tag and it will reveal the person or you can opt to leave a note which the hotel will deliver to their room/bed.

There. Now stop staring at me.

Heated bathroom floors

would be nice.

Think of it as a sitemeter

for your phone. It shows patterns in your calling.

Who calls you the most,
how long do you spend on the phone with them,
most frequent dialed calls,
what times do they call,
where are the calls coming from [show how far-reaching your network really is]?

How often does my mom call in a day/week/year?

Is there a way to store text conversations online, like g-mail? I hate deleting that shit. I'm losing history.

Give me someplace to put it.

Maybe this is good for that 'My Top Five' shit, because you've got statistical evidence to back up who your real-deal motherfuckers is.

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This same idea could apply to instant messanger. Similar to last.fm. Who you talked to the most all-time, this week. Who yo' new friends is.

Shit.