Books and cereal boxes.

Publish pages from new books on the back of cereal boxes. Captive audience!

Am I crazy???

An internet service or television show that either confirms or denies your worst fears. Do I look good in this? Should I get a haircut?

From the producers of 'The Marriage Ref'!

Pantone candles.

I want to *smell" 18-4039.

Push-up pops for dip.

Dip containers are stupid, because you can't reach the bottom. They should make push-up bottoms, like deodorant, so that it comes to you. Carry on.

CatRoulette.

Get connected to random cats.

Revolutionary cigarette idea!

WHY DON'T THEY PUT A MATCHSTICK HEAD ON THE END OF CIGARETTES SO ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SWIPE YOUR CIGARETTE ACROSS YOUR PACKAGING TO LIGHT IT. NO MORE MATCHSTICKS! THINK OF THE TREES WE'LL SAVE.

Partners.

In artistic endeavors, it's difficult to stay motivated without someone beside you or behind you demanding that you go through with a thing. I'd like to create a site where you can find people in your area who can keep you motivated, under the honor-code condition of you keeping them motivated in their own endeavors. If they want to paint, you keep calling them asking when they're gonna have it finished. They, in turn, make sure you're writin' that script, dog. It can go further. You get the idea.

Vusak.

I'm ever growing into the idea of ambient video replacing ambient music. So again, a prediction slash idea: an ambient video service that plays random video clips to project on walls or to play on screens or whatever. I'm sure we've seen this in some regards, but this would be more the service/company that creates it and perpetuates it.

deodorant idea

Black deodorant for men who wear a lot of black shirts. That way they won't have to throw away their shirts when they get that white crap in their armpits. That crap will be black and hidden.

The professional wrestler's kama sutra.

An illustrated guide to how popular professional wrestling moves can be applied to penis and vagina. Figure Four. Liontamer. Sharpshooter.

Google Earth Ants.

I'd like to create a small version of Google Earth that takes pictures from the viewpoint of ants. So everything's really big and low to the ground, basically.

Jello shots nightclub bakery.

I want to make a night-time bakery-thing that specializes in jello shots. They can be special and awesome and it's a nice way to start the evening, really. They can have nuts and sprinkles and Lucky Charms and all those things those yogurt shops have and fuck you, cupcake factories, we is taking over.

Addendum!
I found this site that makes crazy things out of jello shots. We will partner! http://myjelloamericans.blogspot.com/

Cheap Halloween costume idea for women.

Dress as the 50-foot tall woman by carrying Hot Wheelz in your hands and wearing a necklace of Barbies around your neck and and and just buy really small versions of things and put them on your persons.

Ring design concept.

One ring contains a small screw sticking out of its top. The other ring contains a matching nut that the first ring can be screwed into. When a couple walks down the street, they can join the screw and nut together, so that their hands are always together, even when they're not holding hands.

Thedailywh.at.

I want to make a site that re-presents posts from thedailywh.at (or similar site) exactly two years after their original presentation. This represents the circular nature of the internet and how everything that you've already seen is new to someone. Also, it shares a parallel artistic statement with NBC's 1999 television reruns campaign - 'It's new to you!'

Palm typography.

Letters, numbers, and symbols made from the patterns in your hand.

Music videos.

This is both an idea and a prediction of sorts based on my own desires and predilections. I believe we're in a sort of renaissance of music videos. I rarely listen to music on itunes or other radio programming. Instead, I usually watch videos on a Youtube or Vimeo playlist. Even if I'm not watching the video, I choose to listen to music that way. Unfortunately, there is no 'record player' for music videos. There's no way to really invite that outlet into a party, unless everyone wants to crowd around your computer. My idea/prediction is for a record-player for music videos. My guess is that it would be a projector add-on to a typical stereo system or computer, with the CD/DVD/tape player playing music videos along with the music. This, I think, is a great way for a band like OKGo to finally make money, since videos are their stock-in-trade. People could buy the music video as a single (and I think people can buy music videos on itunes and such, but really the crux of the idea is how to play them), providing them finally with their income. La la la, other details, you get the idea, this sounds better in my head. Not all good ideas are simple!

Open IDEO.

IDEO has these idea competition things now. These are two ideas I submitted for their Jamie Oliver challenge to communicate the need for fresh food and proper meals to children. Not the best ideas I've ever had, and Alex Grinton gets a slash on one of them, but I present them here for posterity:

Getting the students to create the school lunch menu.
http://openideo.com/open/how-might-we-give-children-the-knowledge-to-eat-better/concepting/students-get-to-create-that-day-s-school-lunch-for-the-entire-school./

BBQ-flavored broccoli.
http://openideo.com/open/how-might-we-give-children-the-knowledge-to-eat-better/concepting/bbq-flavored-broccoli.-/

for an adveritsing agency

put an ad agency up for review and have other agencies pitch for that agency's business. so you can say things like w+k does the adverts for goodby.

a cable television show

a show that follows the lives of people who are obsessive disposers. this show would pretty much be hoarders but the opposite. a show following folks who just can't seem to hold on to anything.

Someone should create a bunch of 9/11 ads

supporting various and disparate products that can only loosely be related to 9/11. And then go viral! ::jumps in air::

Moustache rugs.

Give your toilet a Rollie Fingers! Wipe your feet on the moustache before you enter!

hamburger holes

like donut holes but for hamburgers. brilliant!

Fantasy dating site.

A damsel's in distress and a knight in shining armor comes in to save her. This is the thing that Love is made of. And not really possible with what dating sites offer you. Let's meet up and have drinks. Okay, cool, let's take it slow and see if we like each other over time.

*This* site offers Indiana Jones-styled adventures! This is the goddamned Medieval Times of dating sites! A girl is kidnapped and you, as her chosen internet match-made-in-heaven get to come in with your fedora and whip and punch some bad guys. 'What was your first date?' Oh, just knocking some motherfuckers out tryna save this distressed bitch.

FUCK.

Faghag.com

A dating site for single women and gay men.

LOLcomps.

I am going to make a website with really bad advertising sketches/comps. You have to have really bad ideas before you have mediocre ones. If you have some, please send them to me!

hunkyard.dog@gmail.com

they actually exist already

my post from august 2008

and here they are in real life

For Computers

The ability to arrange my desktop folders by color.

a new band called

Problems in Stockholm

ice cream sandwich shop

let's make the ice cream sandwiches the lastest dessert craze. like cupcakes but ice cream sammies. then over time the next latest craze can be mini ice cream sammies. how adorable!

Marvel Comics-themed hardware section.

Why of course I'll help you build a birdhouse. Let me just grab the HAMMER OF THOR.

a useful schedule clock

a wall clock that is made with dry erase marker stuff and has no numbers on it. instead of numbers there would be little lines by every hour. this way each day you could fill in your schedule for each hour. obviously at noon you'd need to fill in the rest of the day. i think ideally i probably wouldn't use it that much but I'd hang it up and have things to do from 2 weeks ago, but gosh darn i'd love the idea of it.

More Curly Foods

Curly fries are delicious. More delicious than regular fries. By that logic more foods should come in 'curly' form also. This will bring more deliciousness to the world.

The end.

When I run for governor.

Most politicians RUN for Governor. Well *I'm* going to walk for governor!, by walking across this great state of ours, meeting the fine people who make up its parts, yes, ma'am.

Wisconsin's new tag.

Always looking up!

Because it's big sky country!!

And hope.

I've been playing Mario a lot.

I want a Mario game where Bowser switches bodies with Mario, and he goes around destroying Mario's reputation, and Mario is Bowser, trying to save the world. AWESOME.

A type of serial killer.

Hello. If I was a serial killer, the serial killer I would be is this:

I would pick one person at random. I would then follow that person, and kill everyone with an important role in that person's life (wife, boss, lover, friend, family) in such a way as to make it seem like the random person was the last person to see them alive. With no real evidence to speak of other than simple time and place, the first death would be random, the second death might even be coincidence, but by the third death, that is a pattern.

I would rate my success as a serial killer not by how many people I kill, but by how many people I send to prison for my crimes.

THIS IS A NEW AGE.

Also, bow-and-arrows are underused devices.

Where I parked my car last night.

Something that lets you keep tabs on where you parked last night.
Maybe:
- a webservice. Foursquare-like, but not public. Check in when you park.
- a printed thing sent to you of a Google maps image with your apartment in the center, and the six-block radius surrounding it.

I invented a video game!

An idea for a videogame, anyway.

So you know how when you play the big, expansive Mario games? You explore the worlds you don't necessarily have to because you want to get everything, or try everything, because you want to get the most out of your game. You want to check out the secret worlds and get all the coins and jewels and you know.

Meanwhile, there is a fucking *princess* who has been kidnapped and is rotting in a cell. Let's assume they're not taking the best care of her and there are raging lizard hormones. Generally, Mario does not take into consideration that a lack of hustle means more pain for his dearly beloved.

So the natural game-playing technique is to just go after everything. I think. I don't think people just run through it to the end. That's less fun. So as people play THIS game, the one I'm describing, they will be very highly encouraged to do EVERYTHING. Fun mini-games! Go visit the secret world which is only available now! You can't come back later! You have to do it now or it will be gone! Fuck fuck fuck, I have to do this now, I have to go do this, fuck the princess.

So when you've beaten the game, you've gotten everything you need to, you fight the monster, you save the princess! And she is fucking dead. Dead, do you hear me? Your lolly-gagging bullshit killed your fucking princess.

So the only way to 'win' the game in the purest sense is to avoid all the bullshit and go straight for the princess. *MEANING* that by not enjoying the game (to it's full potential) means that you 'win' in the purest sense of the word. However, by enjoying the game to its full potential, you can never win.

To recap: Enjoy game, always lose. Enjoy game less, win.

This is art, people.

Your friendly neighborhood cap-and-trade.

They say cap-and-trade can help poor companies become richer, by selling energy units they don't need to richer, more productive countries. Perhaps the same could be said for a city structure. Wherein: each person and each business in a district gets a certain amount of credits. They cannot use more than that. If they do, they're fined. However, by buying credits from people who use less energy, they can use as much as they want while helping the poor-folk rise up, shorty, ayyyyye. It also serves to help everyone keep a watchful eye over their own energy use, as behavior change is more likely to occur when laws are enacted. When it doesn't become a choice, as it were.

A website that counts to the highest possible number.

See where it's up to today!

An idea for the police.

Hey, police! You should bury subtle siren sounds beneath songs on the radio like in some of those rap songs. That way, you can trick some paranoid bustas that you on they tail when all you doing is playing, dog.

Nerflix.

A service where CGI and AfterEffects experts insert Nerf bullets and Nerf guns over actual bullets and guns. Blood is replaced by green Kool-Aid.

Ben & Jerry's

MLK & Cookies.

Black and white flavors mingling together in my mouth???

Tag line for sex club.

'Don't come early.'

ADVERTISING, MOTHERFUCKERS.

silent slinkys

ones that make no noise when you use them. how magical.

Videochat board games.

When you're chatting with another or two, a little boardgame they can all share in! Yay!

THIS IS REAL LIFE.

Dating sight for single parents.

Playdate.com! Arrange a date with a single mother with a son or daughter of a similar age as yours! Watch as they bond! Or don't watch and fuck. Or something.

Youtube mixer.

Similar to the Youtube Doubler, and perhaps the exact same idea, this should allow you to create mash-ups of your favorite Youtube videos, a la thexx and Biggie/The Grey Album/etc. You put the two videos up and equalizers and mixers allow you to start and stop and bring the volume in and out on both of them, creating a whole new experience! Yay! I also dreamed this idea.

Grammy deaths.

They devote portions of the Oscars, Emmy's, et al to appreciating the lives of the dead folk. The Grammy's should devote a portion to all the bands that break up that year. I dreamed this idea.

deGrasse Junior High.

A teen-oriented drama about the early life of science charmer Neal deGrasse Tyson.

Restaurant organized by calories.

Rather than posting the calorie-count beside the menu item, the entire menu should be ordered in terms of everything that fits under '100 calories' to '150 calories' to '200 calories' and so forth. So you men-folk and women-folk can follow the diet. If it's more than what you can bear, you can ask them to half it, and pre-put the other half in a doggy-bag, so you're not tempted.

Twitter.

If it's a link, your entire post should be a clickable html link rather than wasting the character-count.

reasonably-priced e-ink business cards

Because how sweet would that be!?

Tabasco Chapstick

For the adventurous.

for tweeeeter

the ability to "like" a tweet. you know, like fb. then you could look at the 100 most liked tweets of the day and junk like that. yay technology!

a poster (100th post)

a info graphics poster of everything that has happened on lost so far that i can hang near a tv in case i forget things that have happened. i guess it's almost too late for this. so maybe it's just an info graphics poster of everything that happened on lost. this way we can never forget. never forget!

for facebook

an application or some silly thing that allows me to view facebook only in the form of photos. you know, view it in the way the name suggests.

a sandwich shop

that's named avocado's number because i think it's funny alright?! give me a break.

for the bathroom

a toilet that doubles as a scale. this way you can watch yourself lose weight.

An alarm clock

that gently soothes you awake with the smell of a five-alarm fire.

School cafeteria pizza restaurant.

It was the best, you'll agree. The square ones. It was good. Somebody once told me it was welfare pizza. Maybe. Anyway. It would rule and they would be a dollar a slice, and would come with the combo chicken nuggets/mashed potatoes to be turned into a stonehenge on your tray.

Cards that take pictures when you open them.

Like the ones that make sound, you open it and you see the look on your face when you look at this AMAZING CARD.

Co-credit Diana.

Another director's cut.

Or: Movie Remixes. Give another director a chance to look at a movie and make a better version of that movie. For funsies! Would be great if, on DVDs, they would let you re-edit the movie so you take out the parts you don't like or just be fancy, you know.

Fire extinguisher hose built into oven.

Like the water hose built into the sink, a thing that stops fire in close proximity to a place where fires start.

Great scenes in bad movies.

Bad movies aren't all bad, but they're worse when there's hope of something great in it. I want to do, I don't know, an art exhibit? A collectible DVD series? Of great scenes in bad movies. So you don't have to wade through the bad to get a spark of genius.

Resizable, slinky-like tables.

Bear with me. You know those dining tables that you can pull out and make bigger by, like, adding a piece? Same principle, only slinky-ized! The inner table part should be inside of the hollowed-out table so that it's easy to make as big or small as you need it to be. I could draw a picture, but that's work.

A car-key that finds your car.

Like a metal detector. Point it in the direction of your car and it'll tell you if'n you're hot or cold.

An alarm clock that you can only cut off with mathematics.

When your alarm clock goes off, it needs to stay on long enough for you to focus your mind and wake up. So answer a few small, intermediate math questions! Yay!

A washing machine that sends you a text when yo' clothes is done.

'Cause I forget.

Movie delivery with pizza delivery.

I like pizza *and* movies! Weird! When you order from Dominos/Pizza Hut/Pete's-A-Ria, they should have an assortment of what's hot out there in movie rentals. I'm looking at you, 'The Blind Side.'

I'm just really trying to do things that make sense here, folks. Blockbuster should've called me first.

A number that you can call that will make decisions for you.

In lieu of this service existing, please call me for restaurant considerations, to review bathroom tiling options, or a decision on what's-good-out.

(843) 496-8783.

The Pizza Truck.

Daytime in suburban neighborhoods have the ice cream truck. Night-time in college-folk area should have a pizza truck that rolls around with some nu-metal or perhaps alternative rock to get college-boy to rush from his penis explorations to buy a steaming hot slice of pizza out of a truck.

Co-credit Alex.

Recycle bins underneath the seat.

I've got an assortment of canned drinks, receipts, and McDonald's fry bags in my car. I feel like it would make sense and not be too terribly inconvenient if a trash bin were underneath the passenger seat, pull-out-drawer style. I don't think that would effect anything, really.

Car backseats designed for sleeping.

If you're upright on the side, you're putting your head in a tight corner, one side plastic. If you're in the middle, you drift. If you're laying down, you've got a seatbelt buckle in your abdominal. Let's start making sense here, friends.

A brand rivalry

between Smarties and Dum-Dums.



(Please be warned, I'm about to make a lot of posts for the sake of consolidating some shit. I do apologize.)

the opposite of a lie detector

the truth detector because sometimes that's easier.

searching for a fellow creed lover!

a dating website where you upload a mixed tape representative of yourself and you can choose to go on dates with people based on their music taste. it's a revolution people! a musical revolution.

A fine on lies.

If a congressman/girl/person/thing is caught in a lie, and it can be proven to be a lie (or a misspeak) or if in any way they are found to be spreading anything less than truth with a capital t, they should be fined a certain dollar amount which would make them afraid of that lie or doing it again.

Kinkos ATMs.

You get to Kinkos and it was closed and all y'all wanted to do is print out a bus ticket. Kinko's ATMs! Walk up, hook up your USB/wi-fi/Bluetooth your document and watch it print. Yay!

I suppose there's potential liability in muggers know where people are coming late at night with fancy flashdrives. Oh, well!

Make the internet smaller.

It's pretty hard to search for things, given you have to use a pretty exact combination of words to find that thing you were looking for. I want to make a search engine that makes the internet smaller. I don't want one trillion Google results, I want 9 or 10 high-quality results. So. My proposal is a wikipedia-esque search engine. Curated searches that would eliminate duplicate or useless websites and provide some high-quality shit, bros, you feeling me.

Flash mob millionaire.

First, get a million people to be a part of this idea.

Secondly, find someone.

Third, on a certain day on a certain week, every person who is a member of our troupe (re: a million people) each deposit a dollar in this fucking guy right here's bank account.

And then we film him as he goes to the ATM, et al, and realizes he's been made a millionaire overnight.

It'd be people on the poorer end of things.

Bidding war.

Like how governments have to bid out their whatyoumacallits and ad agencies have to file a proposal to be a client's AOR.

So.

There's a site. A web site.

And you put up what you want to be done. Your lawn mowed, your oil changed, your wife kissed, whatever.

And then other people bid them out. 'I will complete xxx amount of services for $$$ amount of dollar bills.'

And you choose the one that's best for you.

So, say, rather than going to Geico, and Progressive, and that other one, you go to this site, and have them bid for you.

The end.

a blog

and not just any blog! what kind of blog you ask?!

well, i'll tell you. a blog for houses. create a blog for a house, every house, so when you rent or buy a house it comes with a blog when you can post things about the house. it would be a historical log of the house. you'll know all the history and say for example, it's your childhood home you can just go to the blog and see what your old house is up to these days. the blog could also be helpful for potential new owners/renters if they are interested in getting a house with "history".

these blogs would also elimate all those weird drive-bys when you stop in front of a place that you no longer live and talk about how the door isn't red anymore but when you lived there it was red. or maybe not.