Monday, June 30, 2008

Automatic.

Sometimes I'd like for my AOL and G-Mail to not automatically log me into chatting when I sign in. Maybe there could be a button there to say please do not log me in on those occasions in which I do not wish to speak to anyone.

I had a dream about this blog last night

In this dream someone was in my yard, contemplating breaking into my house. And I thought it would be neat if someone made an alarm system that shot a directed high-pitched noise into your yard to scare off any would-be burglars. So instead of calling the police, I posted that idea on the blog.

And that is my idea for the day. Put this in your dream box, Di.

An Idear for This Blog

Rotating "co-founder" titles.

I got burned by Di pretty good in my last post for forgetting that she was a co-founder. But then I realized that I have more posts than a founder, which means I have more seniority than she does (in terms of posting seniority - haha!). I think we've done a pretty good job so far of keeping up with the posts, but for extra motivation, I think only the top two posters should have the co-founder title. That way you're rewarded for your dedication to this little project and those who slack off (ahem) have some incentive to pick it up.

What do you say?

I can't wait to turn the background of this blog to a nice bright pink with a puke-green comic sans font. =)

Sunday, June 29, 2008

sending things collect

who want to send someone bricks but not have to pay for it?

Mobile Music Previewing Device

It would be about the size of your cellphone, and you can keep it in your pocket when going to a record store or whatever your favorite (non-digital) place to buy music is. If you see a CD that catches your eye, you would be able to search for it on your device and you'd be able to listen to soundclips to determine if it's worth buying the CD. I'm thinking it could cost about $10/month for the service, and the device itself shouldn't be too expensive.

I know some stores have listening booths, but most of the time they don't even work. Yeah, I could buy an iPhone but I don't have a billion dollars.

+ -

Sometimes it is the better shape for power plugs to be horizontal to the smiley-face hole and sometimes it is the better shape for them to be vertical to it. How much space your Mac powercord wastes on a surge protector, for example. How about they make it so you can rotate the prongs so that they can be twisted to be horizontal or vertical so you ain't fucking with too much shit?

My Turn to Suck

Meat flavored butter.

Sorry EB.

I have been away. I am sorry.

While I was on the plane to San Francisco, something occurred to me. I always get the window seat so I have something to lean on when I attempt to nap (although I never seem to be able to). Wouldn't it be great, if, instead of hard, plasticky walls, the walls were cushioned? Well, I think that would be great. Then they could get rid of those miniature pillows.

Prizes

For people who "do number two's" in rest stop bathrooms. They really deserve something for putting their lives in danger.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Touch-screen pens.

I usually write at an angle, so I hate having to holding the pen at 90 degrees to tap in my pin or write my name. Can't they do something with the pens to make it so you can just sort of tap it like you're playing the drums? This is my big idea.

Thank you Nien and Dave for not sucking.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Slow Down!

My co-worker was trying to get a phone number off a voicemail but the lady was talking too fast. What if there was a slow-mo function/button for voicemails?

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Cameras at Driving Ranges

They would record every swing so you can review how much you suck.

Ocean-fighting.

As an Olympic sport.

Free Food Email Thread

Despite having a job, I find myself sitting alone in an empty apartment with an assload of debt. It's the saddest thing ever. So I'm still hurting for cash, which means I've reverted back to college mode where I'm always looking for free food.

I've jacked more popcorn from the kitchen than I can handle. And since I don't sit in the main building, I rarely get to play vulture after those catered meetings. But there has to be a way to get free food. My friend was telling about how law firms throw receptions all the time. And there are always random happy hours at bars for companies too big for everyone to know each other.

Let be resourceful and share the wealth. Let's update each other on where and when the free food and drinks are happening around the city. I mean, they usually don't finish it and they throw it away anyways.

Who's with me?!

This is a bit borrowed from something

that Nien may remember, but I was sitting alone in Taco Bell today thinking, wouldn't it be nice if there was a big "social" table where people who are alone can sit together. There was this friendly-looking guy that was also eating by himself and I got to thinking about how silly it was that we were both sitting alone. Of course, there was also a creepy old man that wouldn't stop staring at me, so maybe not.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Eye-level trays

for buses and airplanes, for your laptop. It hurts my neck to look down at this thing just to read my comics or watch my movies. Maybe there can be latches as well to keep the laptop from slip-slopping all over the damned place. You heard?

Cool Personality Cheat Sheets

You know those laminated one-page cheat sheets you can get for your classes in undergrad? These would be like that, except they help you talk about cool things for when you are trying to pick up someone at a bar.

A rock climbing cheat sheet would give you climbing lingo and how to use it properly, a list of the best peaks in the world, and famous climbers who you could say you learned from. It will also help you pick a credible injury to explain why you don't climb anymore.

A boating cheat sheet would describe types of boats, the most scenic routes, and what types of sharks you might encounter on those journeys. It will also list several terrible storms you escaped but you boat did not, which would explain why you don't have your boat anymore.

This could be big, folks.

Is there an ad in that?

I heard this afternoon that friends and family of people at a religious retreat in Florida are being healed over cell-phones.

My first idea of the day is for a thesis project:

"How technology is impacting religion/how religion lives in the digital space."

My second idea of the day is for a bumper sticker:

"G.O.D is my H.M.O"

Humiliated into Good Credit

If creditors were wise, they would stop calling and use the internet as their new weapon to get their money back.

People who have really bad credit or have defaulted on loan payments could be put on a special shame list that would appear every time someone tries do a google, facebook or linked-in search for their names.

I really hope they don't do this, because I'd be screwed.

Since They Didn't Want It...

...I'll use it here.

We're trying to sell high end customizable laptops to a bunch of technophiles and geekish people (with a couple of style whores thrown in there). The insight is that these people are going to tell everyone that they're getting one of these things- before they get (making announcements to their friends), as their getting it (freakin' videotaping the unboxing and putting it on youtube) and after they get it (waving it around like it's the shit).

The assignment was to generate awareness (duh) with a little bit of money ("surprise"). So my idea was to take photos of the production of the laptop at each stage and put them on a photostream. You give the photostream to the buyer and that guy is gonna spam all his friends with it and you have a nice prolonged gloating device/word of mouth campaign. Better yet, make this photostream available on Facebook and every time a picture is uploaded on the photostream, it shows up on the feed for everyone to see. That's awareness with little cost (because things are done digitally). Their friends will get the message and hopefully it'll make them want to buy it too.

That was quite therapeutic. I think I'll use this blog as a repository of all my rejected ideas from work. =)

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

more roller coaster ideas

instead of getting your picture in a sweet, cheesy paper frame of your screaming face, why not be able to buy an audio file of you screaming like a baby?

tested very poorly on the roller coasters that go 1/4 the speed.

a facebook dealy

allowing you to see all your friends phone numbers at one time so you can put them into your new cellular telephone after yours gets lost/broken/set on fire. also, works well when you don't know who is texting you creepy messages.

A Jerry Springer Online Video Game

Because I want to have my own "Lesbian Snowball Fight." It would be like the Sims Online or World of Warcraft, but with more STD's.

Monday, June 23, 2008

a florist -

that ships your house plants to your new home. also, they could hold your plants (a safe plant daycare if you will) and send them when you have moved in. this way your plants are well taken care of during the move and you don't have to give them all away every time you move cross country.

also good for husbands who don't want to spend the money on fresh flowers that will die in three days anyway. they could just keep sending the same plant to their wife over and over again.

the first part tested well on me. i can't speak for the second part. i'm not a husband nor a wife who wouldn't notice the same plant being delivered over and over again. nor am i a wife in general, that i know of.

automobile horns -

that play songs instead of honk. sometimes the song would be nice; sometimes, not so nice.*

*not to be confused with loud radios.

tested well people who like to hear tunes more than automobile horns.

colors and subways unite

paint all platforms one color for the direction the train is bound. northbound-cornflower blue, southbound-canary yellow, eastbound-burnt umber, and westbound-purple/blue.

red/green color-blindness taken into account. purple/blue and blue/purple blindless not taken into account.

suggestion: crayola crayon sponsored/paid for, thank you. media roll out: fall back-to-school time (ie. back-to-understanding-directions-underground time).

tested well on confused nyc tourists who don't understand express trains or underground transportation, not matter how simple the syntax on your signs.

this just in: human whispers are audiable to the human ear

a movie setting for your cellular telephone that directs all incoming calls to a voice mailbox set up to let people know that you are in a movie. suggestions include but are not limited to the following:

a. "they may have made me silence my cellular telephone phone for the feature film, but they can never silence my love for getting a cellular telephone call from you."

b. "good christ, stop calling me. i already talked to you eight times today, and i wouldn't answer even if i wasn't in a feature length film right now. alright, i'd pick up, but i wouldn't like it."

c. "i may or may not be in a feature film right now, but my lack of knowledge of the technological world makes me unable to have multiple cellphone mailboxes, and thus, i must be prepared. just in case."

d. (or you could download special movie messages for big film premieres) for example: "i can't answer your phone call because i'm watching lord of the rings part 67 and it's the directors cut so that's 22 hours of my life in the theater and i drank to much sodiepop. leave me a message and i'll get back to you in at least 3 weeks when i have fully recovered from this long ass epic tale of friendship, adventure, and ringyness."

tested well in focus groups of feature film patrons who hate the following 'conversation' during a viewing:

disruptive movie goer:

"what?"
-

"oh no, no. i can't talk now."

-

"no no, i'm in a movie. i can't talk even though i'm continuing to talk to you right now, instead of hanging up like any decent civilized person would do. all of which is leading you to believe i can in fact talk now since i continue to talk to you."

-

"no, no a movie. yes, ill call you later after ive been beaten with a stick by the entire audience since i obviously know i shouldn't be talking in the movie theater since i was warned three times before the movie started and im whispering like no one can hear me but everyone clearly can hear me since they are all looking at me."

-

"yeah, i've got to go since i'm going to get beaten up over not only talking in a quiet place but also having a conversation about not being able to talk instead of at the very least having a very quick rude information filled conversation about something other than the fact that i cannot talk because i'm in a movie."

maytard

it's mayo and mustard combined in one bottle so people don't waste excess mayo and mustard attempting to make the mixture themselves.

tested well in french fry focus groups.

iPods with Voice Recognition

Because I hate risking my life on I-95 when scrolling from Spoon to George Harrison.

Roller Coasters...

...that go 1/4 of the speed that they normally go. So old people (and perhaps me) can enjoy them. Because you know, the park is probably empty on certain days of the week and those types of rides are too intense for older people (and perhaps me) to handle, but they (and I) still like the idea of being carted around in mid air for about 90 seconds.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

You know those hotel beds,

the ones that vibrate? Those would make a nice alarm clock.
Especially if, after a while, they actually throw you out of the bed.

I need to stop sleeping until noon.

And yes, I know we've already had an alarm clock idea.
Bite me.

Pretty simple, really.

But on Facebook and blogs, when you make a post on somebody's picture or post, there's nothing to say that anybody else has responded to that same item and tried to start a conversation about your comment.

First Person Shooters

What if you played those first person shooter games on Wii with the Wii Fit mat thing? What if that means that to look to your left, you have to turn to your left? And if you want to jump, you have to jump?

How cool would that be?

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Nice, Portable Furniture

Having spent the past three weekends moving friends and myself out of one house/apartment and into another, I've had a lot of time to analyze the difficulty in moving certain pieces of furniture.

It seems as though the nicer your furniture is (nicer means denser wood, higher quality construction, better design) the harder it is to move. Not only is nicer furniture heavier than what you would get at say a Wal-Mart or Ikea, it also tends to have less area to grip when carrying, which frustrates even the strongest of movers.

If I were into furniture design, I would make pieces that contain handles or areas cut into the wood for gripping. These areas would be discrete (perhaps they would be on the back of the piece), or maybe they would fold into secret compartments once the furniture is put in place. Another option would involve furniture with detachable soft grips that could be stored in drawers after moving.

I have no doubt this new line of furniture will increase the efficiency of furniture moving, and it will let the hired hands get their payment in pizza quicker than ever.

Left to right.

Websites like mine and Diana's are scroll left to right rather than up and down. As far as I know, websites can only load up to down, which means, left-to-right scrollers like the above-mentioned have to wait for everything to scroll before they can really start looking at the page. I think this is right. Maybe I'm wrong. Anyway, I just want to have the option to let my website load from left to right rather than up to down.

Garage Sale Agents

You know how there are a ton of people who love going to garage sales just for fun? You know how there are people like me who have an empty apartment but not enough money to fill it? Wouldn't it be great if you could give them a list of stuff you needed and they'll out and find it for you? Like a personal shopper, but only at garage sales. It gives purpose to their shopping and helps you find cheap stuff.

Glow-In-The-Dark

cars.

Snap out of it, EB.

Friday, June 20, 2008

'Take a Hint' Website

I've been e-mailing agencies lately and haven't heard back from a couple in a few days.

This makes me think one of three things:

1. They are really busy

2. They aren't hiring

3. They aren't into my clever email and/or website and are sick of being bothered by junior creatives

I sure would like to know though.

It would be cool if, instead of wasting time and energy trying to craft a thoughtful rejection e-mail, creative directors could simply send me a url link to a site solely crafted for the purpose of telling me to fuck off.

Farmer's Tan Sleeves

These would be sleeves you put on at the beach to get rid of your farmer's tan quickly. Just sleeves, no shirt. I guess they would be like long gloves, think Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's.

I'm not good at the whole tanning thing, so maybe this wouldn't work.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

A spell check

that makes fun of you for spelling things wrong. That'll teach you.

My taste buds are retarded.

I don't like a lot and if you say you like something or, worse, that you think I'd like it, I won't believe you. I'll believe it's terrible, no good, very bad. My taste buds are retarded and I don't have anyone else's taste buds to trust.

I need a service that matches people's culinary tastes.

I need to hook up with a guy who drinks a lot of Mountain Dew and Fudge Rounds and likes BBQ exactly the way I like it. I trust that guy to tell me to try something new and I'll go out of my way for it and I would of course be happy to do the same for him.

I just ate some real good shrimp and grits. Red Sky Cafe in Duck, NC. Shit's bodacious.

Octopus Pilot stage 1 has begun.

Whoa! Storytelling

Most stories I’ve realized are character driven and much of the plot is driven by their development. Not a great insight, but I’m slow. But the thing is that social media is all about the person and telling the their story. I think it’d be a trip either adapt a novel that’s told through Facebook, Youtube, Twitter, Flicker, blogs and whatever or write an entirely new novel using the same devices. So in the end, we end up stalking the character throughout the internet to get the story.

Also, I just read some stuff from the Supernova Conference (http://www.techcrunch.com/2008/06/16/supernova-mobile-connections-forum/) and they were talking about a feature on your phone where you can leave virtual items for people to find in the real world. So then our super internet story can get into the real world and we can walk around find pictures/text/audio/video and get the story in specific locations.

I know this sounds weird and convoluted and probably interesting to 5 people total, but man it’ll be pretty sweet for those 5 people.

Self-Checkout Express Lines

I go through the self-checkout lines at grocery stores to save time. When I have to wait behind some slowbie who scans their groceries as delicately as if they were buying a cart load of Fabergé eggs, I tend to get a little annoyed.

You know how most people have those value cards on their keychains? Since they already store information about what you buy, they should also be able to calculate your average number of item scans per minute at the self-checkout. People with higher scan averages should be able to access fast lanes so they don't have to deal with the amateur grocery store customers.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Singles-Only Beaches

When staring at that girl or guy with the nice body frolicking across the sand, you want to think you have a chance with them because they're at least "available."

Also, 18+ only for obvious reasons.

Submarines

for your swimming pool. This has got to be possible. Like wet little go-karts.

For My Face

You know those razors with the lotion/moisturizer around the blade that girls get to use for their legs? I want one for my face.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Symptoms may include.

In CVS or Rite-Aid or that other one catty-corner to CVS, you go in with a symptom and are assaulted by a wall of options. What I'm suggesting is something like a WebMD kiosk where you type in your symptoms and it halves and halves and halves your options until you get exactly what it is that you want.

The Scary World of the Grown Ups

Yesterday was my first day at work. As I sat there at orientation with two people from HR (that's right two, because I'm a handful apparently) talking about insurance plans, 401Ks and taxes. They had to go over everything twice because I didn't understand any of it...and I still don't. Someday I'll end up in the emergency room and hand them my insurance card and they'll say "oh, you can only use this card to get free ice cream at Dairy Queen."

Anyways, I've been through nearly 18 years of schooling and rarely do I take classes that are practical to everyday living. Sure, I took English - but I can't figure out a mortgage contract. I took calculus - but I can't balance my checkbook. I even took PE - but I barely make it up one of these steep-as-fuck hills in SF. I mean seriously.

My idea is that after high school, there should be a life lessons course where you learn all the grown up things before you have to deal with them. Loans. Credit cards. Leases. Contracts. Insurance. Dealing with government bureaucracy. And so on and so forth. A lot more useful than memorizing state capitols. I mean, how is that going to help me determine my RothIRA plan? Sheesh.

I finally remembered.

Humane bug traps.
You catch the little guy (or very big guy), and then you set him free in your yard.

Two nights ago there was this enormous spider in the dining room.
We had a standoff, both of us pretty scared of the other.

The standoff lasted for about thirty minutes, and then I forgot about him, and he disappeared. Somewhere in the house.

Now, I don't believe in killing bugs. But at the same time, I don't want a spider the size of a silver dollar crawling on my face at night.

Take That, Sky Mall!

I was on an airplane last week and couldn't help but get really antsy after about 20 minutes of sitting in my tiny seat. After surveying my options (sticky in-flight magazine, sleeping neighbor, looking at the back of my tray table) I ended up eavesdropping on a conversation between a German girl and her mother. I eventually got frustrated because I couldn't understand what they were talking about and ended up passing out on my tray table for the rest of the flight.

In retrospect, it would be fun to have a little in-flight entertainment that built some camaraderie between bored passengers and/or made the harsh realities of flying a little more bearable. For instance, some sort of interactive trivia game or an in-flight chat room.

Or airplane bingo.

An airline, lets say Southwest (cheap, fun, etc.) could pass out Bingo cards at the beginning of the flight, and throughout the flight, passengers could check off/daub special icons on their cards every time:

- the seat belt sign goes on
- a baby cries
- the pilot makes an announcement
- the plane hits a rough patch of turbulence
- A flight attendant says 'overhead compartment' or 'electronic devices'
- other things that happen on a plane that i don't have the energy to think of at the moment

And the free space could be the safety demonstration at the beginning. But you can't check it off unless you watch it (wink).

Whoever gets bingo first will get, I don't know, say, an extra cookie.

Tandem

Segways.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Maybe this already exists,

since I've already had two things that do, but I think this would be cool.

When I moved out of my house I gave a lot of my things away. One of those things was my TV.
When we got here we signed up for TV and Internet through Comcast.
So when I watch TV, I go downstairs, but when I want to watch TV in my room, I have to watch something on Hulu on my computer, because, again, I gave away my TV.

Now, I pay for cable, and I could totally have a second TV in my room and that would be free, so wouldn't it be great if there was some Internet-based cable service? Not Hulu, but actual cable. OnDemand on your computer. Included in your cable. I think it would be fucking awesome, personally.

I'm Sorry But This is the Best I Can Do

Typically when you go out to eat the waiter/waitress gets our drinks, orders and disappears for the rest of the night. It's not a problem for most people but I drink a lot of water (the hose that it comes out of adds a certain flavor...) and it's weird when I run out.

However, tonight was another story. Every moment the last sip disappeared into my thirsty mouth and just as the glass was about to hit the table, the waitress had already started pouring more into my cup. Amazing. Go back and read that in slow motion to get the full effect.

I wanted to give her a huge tip but I couldn't afford it, so this is the best I can do. We should do a restaurant waiter/waitress rating system. After a meal, you give them a little rating or go online to some website to put it in. The idea is that if you see that this person is highly rated, you're might be more inclined to tip them. Also, restaurants can use this to screen for the appropriate wait staff to make sure the customer service lives up to the rest of their restaurant. This will also motivate those lazy waiters/waitress who suck to get their shit together. I mean seriously, I'm thirsty over here.

T.G.I Sundays

This is the new name I propose for my church-themed bar from previous post.

Extreme Hobo Makeover

"if homeless people were cute, i think they'd be less homeless." - E.B Davis

Brilliant.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

How about a really ridiculous idea,

since I forgot the brilliant one I thought of in the car.

I want some kind of something that makes my fingernails stop growing.
Like birth control. But for fingernails.

I think long fingernails are disgusting, and I keep losing my trimmers.

Bundles People, Bundles

Mentally retarded people like me can't handle all the details. I go into IKEA, come out with a bunch of dishes but no dish rack. I got silverware but nothing to hold it in. A wastebasket with no plastic bags.

I'm not saying they should bundle the whole thing as a set. But maybe they can give me a checklist or something when I walk in. God, it's been a long day.

I think they should start breeding

animals that people won't be allergic to. Fuzzies for everyone!

While I'm on the subject,

I listen to my music real fucking loud. I would perhaps like for there to be a way if this isn't too difficult to make the GPS navigation signals interrupt the music and come through the speakers so I ain't trippin'.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

I know what the fuck I'm doing.

GPS is a magnificent tool until it thinks its smarter than you. I just want some sort of Gas/Bathroom Break or I Know What The Fuck I'm Doing button that lets the GPS know to shut up for a second while I handle my shits.

Place Mats for Furniture

The joy of landing an apartment has been replaced by the monumental task of furnishing it in a way that doesn't offend the eye. Several times I asked the leasing agent, "um...so where would the bed go?" only to be answered with a shoulder shrug as they are checking their Blackberry. Also, now that I'm shopping for furniture, I'm not sure what size they can be. I don't have a tape measure or anything like that.

Well, you know how when someone dies, they outline the body's position? Can we have that for furniture? Like paper mats with an outline of a bed or couch or coffee table. The leasing agent can plop them down where-ever for idiots like me to get a sense of how it can be laid out. Idiots like me can then take the mats to a furniture store to figure out if that couch is the right size. I bet a furniture store can sponsor these mats and somehow, magically, have stuff that exactly matches the stuff on the mats.

Since that doesn't exist, any tips on furnishing a tiny studio is welcomed.

Friday, June 13, 2008

A giant spinning beach ball.

Sometimes when I'm at work, dealing with big-ass files and whathaveyou, my shit gets froze up and I got to wait a little bit for it to process. When this happens, however, I feel as though everyone else in my office thinks I'm just staring at the internet and not doing any work while this processing takes place. My solution is to have a giant spinning beach ball which lets everyone else know your shit fucked up. Thank you.

You guys might not agree,

but miniature pretzels are a really disappointing food, especially when compared to their larger, softer brothers.

The soft pretzel, however, is more of a meal than a snack.

What if, we combined the two to create the perfect snack—miniature soft pretzels.

Yes.

Medieval Times




I just saw one today for the first time in 20 years.

And it was glorious.

My idea is to visit, dressed from head to toe in aluminum foil.

Then, after the climax of the jousting tournament, I would ride in on a Segway, giant turkey drumstick in hand, and challenge the winner to a duel with their future self.

You know, just to stir some shit up.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Credit Checks

Before you can rent an apartment, you have to fill out an application and cough up $30 bucks so they can check your credit. It doesn't even matter if you have your own credit report, they have to run their own because yours might be forged. So what this means is that if you apply for say 5 apartments from five different leasing companies that's $125 bucks down the drain because there is no guarantee that you'll get the apartment anyways. God damn it - that's enough for one week in this piece of shit hostel.

How do we fix this? How about if when you get your credit report, they'll mail it to you with a barcode + special hologram + notorized + special stamp + watermark and so on.

That way it's real and un-forgeable. And you only need to pay for one credit report. The leasing people can check it instantly and move on with the leasing process. And the credit report people can go fuck themselves.

And ANOTHER thing.

Whoever I call the most should move to the top of my address book like when Microsoft Word recommends fonts based on what's been used in the document.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Avoiding Awkward Hostel People

I'm sitting in the lobby at a hostel. People are writing postcards, chatting with friends and surfing the net. There's this one guy who is drinking beers and staring intently at everyone else, wondering why no one is talking to him. He looks at me a lot. I think what's lost on him is the romantic version of the hostel where it's a place to instantly make friends. Funny enough, as we become more social online, we become less social offline.

My idea is to get this creep to stop staring at me. Since you have to book beds online through their website, they should ask each person to submit their myspace/facebook pages for other people to check out. If that violates privacy laws then they can just scrape info like the 'interests' and make a tag cloud so we can get a glance of what everyone likes to do. If there is something you like, say drinking beers and staring at people, click on the tag and it will reveal the person or you can opt to leave a note which the hotel will deliver to their room/bed.

There. Now stop staring at me.

Heated bathroom floors

would be nice.

Think of it as a sitemeter

for your phone. It shows patterns in your calling.

Who calls you the most,
how long do you spend on the phone with them,
most frequent dialed calls,
what times do they call,
where are the calls coming from [show how far-reaching your network really is]?

How often does my mom call in a day/week/year?

Is there a way to store text conversations online, like g-mail? I hate deleting that shit. I'm losing history.

Give me someplace to put it.

Maybe this is good for that 'My Top Five' shit, because you've got statistical evidence to back up who your real-deal motherfuckers is.

----------

This same idea could apply to instant messanger. Similar to last.fm. Who you talked to the most all-time, this week. Who yo' new friends is.

Shit.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Craigslist RSS Feed Thing

I have the highly unpleasant task of looking for a new place to stay in a strange, unknown city. I ask everyone for an insider's edge and they all refer me to Craigslist (thanks for the 'insider' edge). The problem is timing. I just have to wait until the right place at the right price at the right neighborhood shows up, which means I'm on Craigslist 24/7 hitting the refresh button praying for a miracle.

There's an RSS feed on Craigslist. Each posting seems to be formatted (price, location, description). Why not build a feed where I can specify exactly what price/where/how long (if I'm subletting) and then when it shows up it, it'll be sent to my feedreader?

The internet is a big place and I can certainly find other places to waste my time, like Twitter.

Okay, okay, get this:

Magnet.

Shoelaces.

Who's with me?!

Guys?!

Guys?!

What's Creepier Than Creepy?

Drying your whitest whites on a clothesline.

In the moonlight.

Almost as creepy as flying a kite at night.

My idea is to invent a creepy commercial for a night-time laundry detergent.

It would be called Moontide.

That is all.




The non-vulgar idea from last night—

a virus for GPS devices that makes people drive around in circles. It's pretty incredible how trusting people are of their Tom Tom.

Get to it, hackers.

Instant Drunk

Ever show up at a party late and everyone's drunk? Do you want to catch up, but chugging ten beers/shots not appealing/take too long? How about a legal pill that catches you up?

That reminds me...

'Call Mom' tattoo: to be inked onto the tops of hands of naughty/forgetful daughters and sons.

'Call Mom' t-shirts: to be worn by nice daughters and sons to remind the naughty ones to call.

Lets make this part of a campaign for, say, some cell phone company that gives me the free mom minutes I don't have.

Also, welcome to the blog Liz.

Monday, June 9, 2008

The forearm

is generally useless. I think I'd like to keep my wallet there in some giant gauntlet-styled device.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Gmail as a Super Contact Book

During the job search we email hundreds of people begging, pleading, bargaining for a shot. Many don't reply. Some say no. And a handful say to keep in touch. By the time we finally land a gig, we'll have amassed tons of "let's keep in touch" people.

It would be an interesting feature on Gmail if we could setup profiles for each email address that we've emailed. On the profiles we can have notes, stats on how often/how much you've contacted them, history of emails and so on. Also let's have a feature where you can tag each email you get from them so on the profile you can get a quick tag cloud that serves as a summary.

Call it Gmail+. I think there are other services that do this, but the problem is that we have to learn yet another interface and go through the process of setting things up again. It would be so much easier if it was on something we already use.

A widget

To update you on all the new widgets that are out there.

Somewhere

in that middle area between laying on a slab and having your limbs torn off, I think The Rack would feel really good as a stretching machine.

Saturday, June 7, 2008

A Company Matchmaking Service

So I have a lot of friends who have recently graduated and are looking for the right place to work at. They're treating it like it's dating and finding the right someone (while I was a total whore and picked the hottest piece of ass, jk).

My idea is to create a company match making service based on the Myers Briggs test. All the employees at a company will take the test and their results will be stored. So you can figure out how many ENTJs or INTPs there are at the place and whether or not you'll get along with those types.

So, you take your test. Match up with their results based on the types of people who work there and pick the one you like the best.

Oranges = Friends

Every orange can be split into ten sections. Therefore, they are great for sharing. And who would turn down a 10th of an orange? We should use this idea to create a campaign for sharing oranges.

Amputees

should be made to wear stilts.

BANANA PANCAKES, BANANA PANCAKES, BANANA PANCAKES

Idea:

An after-bar diner menu with all items typed in 36pt font and repeated over and over again so there is no confusion when all the hungry bar-folk stumble in drunk around 3am.

Friday, June 6, 2008

A boy and his unicorn.

A sort of D.A.R.E. program promoting abstinence with a virgin man walking into classrooms with a unicorn, extolling the prizes that only await the untouched.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

hatebook

About a month ago, some friends and I, after hearing of a story about a mutual friend who intentionally lost about 100 lbs just to spite a girl who wouldn't date him earlier, keyed the phrase 'Spite Diet'

(This is just one category of the 'Spite Life Plan')




My updated idea for the Spite Diet is to create a social networking site for scorned lovers that lets them spite their exes or the people who refused to date them by constantly updating them about what they are doing and feeling, how much fun they are having, where they are working and who they are hanging out with - specifically new love interests.

Guaranteed to rip his/her heart out or your money back.

It would be kind of like facebook, just a tad more vindictive.

Those construction rulers.

With the green liquid with the bubble that tells you if something is straight.

I don't know what the fuck it's called.

Anyway, they should build them into the tops of picture frames.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

No Dental Insurance? No Problem!

For the past two weeks my teeth have been messed up to the point where I can no longer chew food comfortably on either side. This is probably due - at least partially - to the fact that I haven't been to the dentist in over 4 years.

My idea is to have chew tablets for adults. Kind of like the tasty little pink tablets we had as a kid, but instead of detecting plaque, they would help you figure out when you need to, absolutely, positively go to the dentist.

Because I think I can probably hold out for the rest of the summer.

America's Next Top

Truck Hood Model.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

A New Level of Pathetic

I left the bar tonight so I could come home and write my idea-of-the-day before today's deadline.

My idea is to either:

a. get a job so I can afford to get internet on my cell phone

b. create internet bars (they already have internet cafes, so why not?)

Now back to the bar.

I dropped a quarter beside my seat.

Some sort of mechanism which squeegee's all the shit under your car-seat out so that you don't find year old Ibuprofen tablets under there.

Or, you know, an electro-magnet.

Monday, June 2, 2008

Coming soon to a 7-Eleven near you

I predict within the next year or two, glass bottles of water and cans of water will start to replace plastic bottles of water.

Apparently, we are drinking cancer.

Caps for soda cans.

So I don't spill my shits.

Sorry Grandma

Wouldn't it be great if you could wake up every Sunday morning, go to church and get hammered?

Introducing Church, a new themed restaurant/bar for the atheist and apathetic, where the bartenders would dress as clergy, the servers nuns, and the bus boys alter boys.

Services would be held during business hours and there would be a 'Sunday best' dress code to enter the establishment.

Instead of booths, customers would be seated at pews and every pew would be served a basket of holy bread and holy tap water.

The food would be always be blessed before every meal, the blood of christ wine would be served out of holy grails and there would great drink and food specials during midnight mass and every Sunday afternoon.

The framed poem 'Footprints' would hang on the walls of the mens and ladies bathroom.

And instead of a piano man, there would be an in-house organist who would play songs on request....just as long as they weren't Christian rock.

Sac-religious? Probably just a twinge.

But I'd imagine it would go over quite well in Portland.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Nickelodeon.

A web banner that lets you slime the webpage.

It's...

I...

OH COME ON, IT'S THE FIRST FUCKING DAY.