I invented a video game!

An idea for a videogame, anyway.

So you know how when you play the big, expansive Mario games? You explore the worlds you don't necessarily have to because you want to get everything, or try everything, because you want to get the most out of your game. You want to check out the secret worlds and get all the coins and jewels and you know.

Meanwhile, there is a fucking *princess* who has been kidnapped and is rotting in a cell. Let's assume they're not taking the best care of her and there are raging lizard hormones. Generally, Mario does not take into consideration that a lack of hustle means more pain for his dearly beloved.

So the natural game-playing technique is to just go after everything. I think. I don't think people just run through it to the end. That's less fun. So as people play THIS game, the one I'm describing, they will be very highly encouraged to do EVERYTHING. Fun mini-games! Go visit the secret world which is only available now! You can't come back later! You have to do it now or it will be gone! Fuck fuck fuck, I have to do this now, I have to go do this, fuck the princess.

So when you've beaten the game, you've gotten everything you need to, you fight the monster, you save the princess! And she is fucking dead. Dead, do you hear me? Your lolly-gagging bullshit killed your fucking princess.

So the only way to 'win' the game in the purest sense is to avoid all the bullshit and go straight for the princess. *MEANING* that by not enjoying the game (to it's full potential) means that you 'win' in the purest sense of the word. However, by enjoying the game to its full potential, you can never win.

To recap: Enjoy game, always lose. Enjoy game less, win.

This is art, people.