A damsel's in distress and a knight in shining armor comes in to save her. This is the thing that Love is made of. And not really possible with what dating sites offer you. Let's meet up and have drinks. Okay, cool, let's take it slow and see if we like each other over time.
*This* site offers Indiana Jones-styled adventures! This is the goddamned Medieval Times of dating sites! A girl is kidnapped and you, as her chosen internet match-made-in-heaven get to come in with your fedora and whip and punch some bad guys. 'What was your first date?' Oh, just knocking some motherfuckers out tryna save this distressed bitch.
FUCK.
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