The worst advertising ever.

Those exit signs on the way home, the ones that show you what gas stations/fast foods/hotels are on the upcoming exit -- they should not wrap them to look like smartphones. They should not look like an iPhone screen. They should not do that.

A supermarket counter

where you can take the things you buy and say 'make it' and they'll make it. Buy the ingredients to beef stroganoff and tell them to make beef stroganoff. They can give you containers to take home to your family. You're a hero!

A newspaper that's fun.

Somewhere between the Onion, the Daily Show, and actual news. A newspaper that covers the news in full facts, but, uh, has fun with it, basically. To wit, and to quote 30 Rock: 'Jack Donaghy Buys NBC, Has Sex With Your Mother.' Not anything as snide as Gawker, but, yeah. A newspaper that cracks jokes, I guess. Listen, somebody thought this was a good idea.

push pins

push pins that have fame hooks at the end of them so you can hang small things on them.

I saw this thing.

http://www.yankodesign.com/2009/11/27/customized-band-aid/

And I thought it would be absolutely adorable if the 'dispenser' was shaped like an am-bu-lance.

A single-serving tumblr.

For single-serving tumblrs.

idea for those mouth and nose protectors

ever since h1n2 has hit the streets people are taking a real liking to preparing for impending doom by purchasing those masks that "protect" you from the outside world. anyways, i think they should make masks that have different expressions on them. perhaps a five pack with various emotions so you can switch it up daily depending on your mood.

this idea also helps doctors when they are in surgeries and things. they could have some with smiles but also they could have words on them like "don't worry, i know what i'm doing" or "you're probably not going to die".

A Smarter Facebook

Wouldn't it make a lot more sense for facebook statuses, birthdays, etc. would reflect the time of the person they belong to? I never know if I should be saying "happy birthday" to my friends in Chile or Japan or New Zealand before or after the day actually occurs in the US. Similarly, a post at 5 in the morning my time about "being up early" from a friend in NYC is going to garner a lot of sympathy from me until I remember it was 8 am when they posted it. And then I will digitally kick them in the face.

A new toilet!

You know those trashcans with a foot-pedal that lifts the lid so you can throw your Sunny D away?

Same principle.

When a guy goes to pee, he hits the pedal to lift the toilet seat. When he's done, he steps off. This means that the guy isn't too lazy to pick up the seat, or risk touching it with his hands, and it means that the toilet seat is always down for when the *ladies* come a-knocking.

Maybe when you step off, it flushes automatically, as well.

Keep advertising away from you.

There should be a code on what you buy that allows you to input it into your TV or website so that you are no longer shown ads by that company/product. For at least a certain time period. As if to say 'I've bought in to your advertising, please go away.'

Inspired by Dave Treston.

Everybody needs a good cry.

I want to make a single-serving tumblr called 'Your Daily Cry' where I post some sad fucking shit and make a motherfucker cry.

DAILY.

Campaign for Panera.

'If someone lived here, it would be home-made.'

And so select stores around the nation would have someone living in it at all time.

unstuffed oreos

I want to see toys

filmed in tilt shift video. Would they look *more* like toys? I don't know!

Book 'mp3s.'

I think they should send out the first three chapters of books to airlines and have them put it in the same fold as SkyMall and shit. I always figured if you could get through three chapters, you're set, and more, you might simply be compelled to finish it, so they can jump off the plane and buy the rest of the book if'n it suits.

An iPhone app

for the iPhone.

pandora

a button that gives the option to say "i like this song but i don't want to listen to it right now"

a blog

this blog would be city specific. you choose a city, then it tells you what stores in that city are going out of business and ones that are just opening up. this could just be an addition to yelp.

I click so many links.

I would like Twitter to store links that I want to look at later. Like a Twitter to-do list.

I want to write a philosophy textbook

where the narrator gets increasingly confused about his own life and his place on earth. It's entertaining and informative!

I think Weird Al Yankovic

would make a great 'Tonight Show'-styled bandleader. He could showcase his new songs and skits and stuff and be generally hilarious. Keep on thinkin', y'all!

Mapquest weather.

When you map your journey, they should include start time, and it'll map the weather for you as well. So you know when you're driving through the mountains whether or not it'll be foggy or some shit.

Small fingers.

People complain about having thick, unwieldy fingers. They should make gloves that have 'small fingers' at top, so people can accomplish delicate tasks like dialing a phone.

Tree stumps.

I think it would be cool if people carved tree stumps so that they looked like faces buried in the earth, looking upwards.

GetADamnHaircut.com

It's a website with a picture of someone who needs a damn haircut. Every time you reload the page you get a different picture. That is all.

Magnets.

Armies should, like, have a giant magnet that catches all the bullets people shoot at them.

Tagging friends.

You should be able to, like, tag friends on random websites or amazon.com or something. Like if you see something they want, or you want them to get you, or just something you think is funny, you should be able to tag it and they'll get the message on their little Facebook thing-y.

Retro-styled ads during 'Mad Men.'

Advertisers should, like, embrace the context of the show, you know?

a whale tent

a tent that on the outside looks like a whale so when you get in the tent it looks like you were swallowed by a whale. also there would be a dangling heart in the middle of the tent that doubles as a lamp.

someone build this for me.

Those barefoot shoes.

They should make them with shells that look like regular shoes. So on the bottom, you're barefoot, but on the top, you don't look stupid.

Pedometer tamagatchi.

Had this idea for a weight-loss, weight-management thing. Pedometers are cool when you realize you walked 20 miles in a week, holy shit, but as they go, the ratio of gain seems to mean less. So this would be a tamagatchi-like creature who will get fat if you don't walk a certain amount of steps every day. Maybe you can input your daily caloric intake or whatever so you break even, but yeah, I mean, basically, that's it. You're not walking for some stupid number, you're walking to keep your creature alive.

P2P information.

This is a highly under-developed idea, but listen, there's a seed. P2P technology is still going strong, but it's unnecessarily held to the fire for being more commonplace for appz and crackz and warez and serialz and all that illegal handy-cam shit. But it could just as easily be used for sharing information, right? Twitter and Facebook went down because it's focused on a single server (okay, not a single server, exactly, but in a stationary place). Imagine if Twitter and Facebook were Napster, or Limewire, or I forget what all there used to be. That means they don't operate on a single server, they operate on multiple servers in thousands of locations across the world. I'm just now realizing while writing this that information isn't shared when one person isn't 'online,' but hey, advance technology or something. When's not being able to do it ever held us back. Listen. This is the future. Listen to what I am saying to you.

to go with eb's last post

fantasy advertising. every year you draft ad people for your team. every time they are mentioned in the news, win an award, or get a higher position you get points.

Advertising draft.

I don't know how drafts work. But after school, agencies have 'first pick,' 'second pick,' etc. This makes a lot of sense.

outdoor, sunny daily parking lots

create parking lots where you let the attendant affix a photovoltaic panel to the top of your roof collecting energy all day while you are at work.

Orbitz Registry

Instead of buying gifts, you pay to send friends who are insanely far away to the event.

a website, an application, something

do you ever hear a song that reminds you of a particular moment in your life? 

well there should be an application or website where you can pick songs and put them to your life timeline. then when you have all your songs chosen you can make your life's playlist. 

people would be able to store their playlist so they can update it as they get older. 

Why am I obsessed with dusting products?

Whatever, doesn't matter.

I want some kind of spray that creates a kind of cobweb between dust particles, so that you let it magnetize itself to...itself...and then you can just grab one spot and the entire cobweb comes off the surface clean. You wouldn't just push the dust around and you wouldn't have to spend money buying disposable microfiber sheets and dusters or use all the water and energy to wash reusable ones.

For the truly lazy

Multiple copied pieces with shortcuts. I imagine there's some way to do this now that you can put multiple items on your clipboard, but I wanna be able to do apple+c, apple+c+2, etc.

balloons

balloons that look like rocks so when their lose their helium they still work.

a turtleneck

but not just any turtleneck. it would be a beard turtleneck. drawing to follow soon.

more options!

on the facebooks i would like them to create other options besides "like". if i may be so bold as to suggest a "love" button and perhaps a "dislike" options. Human emotions are just too vast to "like" everything.

A rocking chair

bed.

BathroomWall.com

The site would be one giant, interactive bathroom wall. You scrawl your message anywhere you want it. It goes on forever. It has no use.

cereal boxes

remember a few years ago (perhaps more than a few) when soda pop companies realized instead of the standard 12 pack boxes that they should do a thinner, longer box that fits better in the refrigerator? well, i suggest a similar product for cereal boxes so they can actually fit in kitchen cabinets. this would work especially well for those 20% more boxes. let give the people 20% more horizontally instead of vertically please.

car beds

for adults!

Dynamic desktop backgrounds of baseball stadium scoreboards

I want to be able to have a dynamic desktop background that displays live baseball game scores and looks like the scoreboard from an actual baseball stadium. This could be available for all teams. For example I would be able to select the Citizens Bank Park background and it will display the Phillies game score on the main scoreboard and all other scores would be on the out-of-town scoreboard. Or maybe I would just be able to pick by team, so when the Phillies are at home or if they have no game I get the CBP scoreboard background, and when they are on the road I get the background of ballpark for the team they are playing.

This would be instead of checking Yahoo Sports for score updates.

Camera phones.

When you're taking secret pictures of people, you have to point the camera at them perfectly vertically, which is an odd and obvious angle to hold your phone. They should make a camera that tilts or is on the corner or something, so you can stare at 45 degrees, but take a picture at 90 degrees.

Gift registry augmented reality app

To make it easier to track down items on a gift registry, there should be a smartphone application that uses augmented reality to point out where in the store the items can be found. Similar to the applications that point out where the nearest subway stations are.

Augmented reality, all the kids are talkin' 'bout it!

Objectivity, The Magazine.

Everything that appears in the magazine appears in twos. Both sides of the story as it were. Every article, every review. Possibly, the reviews could appear in threes - love, hate, and moderate.

Double-Sided Kindle

I think I'd like a Kindle, but I still like the conversations that get started when others see the book you're reading. I want the backside of my Kindle to display the book art (and preferably, I want to be able to choose which cover it shows--I almost bought Let the Right One In yesterday but it was the movie cover...lame.)

Yelling Rooms

I think there should be rooms in all cities where you can just go and yell, scream, sing, whatever. Make as much noise as you want. When you live in a city, screaming can give the neighborhood a bit of a fright, and its not like these apartment walls can keep out even the squeaking bedsprings above us that woke me up this morning (I mean, sure, go get yours, but on an early Sunday morning? That's hardly fair...) 

I want a place where I can go and just blow off needless energy and steam via my vocal chords. The rooms would be smaller than practice rooms and more sound-proof, just big enough for one person to do their thing and leave within a few minutes. I would pay for this service.

 

Danzig keyboard.

I want to make one of those internet sound-machine keyboards that focuses entirely on Danzig singing 'whoa.'

New-fangled phone booths.

I think there's room for a modern-day phonebooth, if even the room is only a sound-proof chamber where you can conduct calls in private, likesay an airport terminal.

I saw it on The Onion.

The Onion should parody those CNN shirts with 'I saw it on The Onion' shirts.

Live-recording on YouTube.

YouTube should join with those streaming stickam-type sites so that people can do live broadcasts which are recorded as they stream. That way, you can go backwards 'n forwards and have it stay permanent in the end. Thanks for listening.

Pringles Pez dispenser.

I want to turn a Pringles into a Pez dispenser-like contraption. I've become obsessive compulsive about washing my hands and, as so, I don't want them getting dirty.

Eat your feelings.

A restaurant that serves dishes based on emotions. 'Sadness' is sweets, 'Anger' you have to cut through or chew a lot. You get the idea.

Shotgun umbrella.

An umbrella shaped like a shotgun. Pull the trigger to activate umbrella.

moonscreen

like sunscreen but this protects you from the harmful rays of the moon. comes in either MPF 15 or MPF 45.

A QVC for Etsy.

I feel like they, more than anyone, could have done the whole Honeyshed thing right. Cute animations around cute fucking dolls could've provided content to sell these people's shits.

A haiku version of Twitter.

Can only post 5-7-5.

macbooks and other laptop computers

they should have power inputs on both sides of the computer instead of just one. actually, the whole computer should be a giant magnetic power source so i can put my power cord anywhere on the computer and it charges.

Restaurants with mirrors.

I love restaurants with mirrors beside the table. I don't know how this would work, exactly, but I don't doubt how possible it is -- I'd like it the mirror were angled or convex or somesuch so that the person sitting across from you's reflection would seem to be sitting beside you as well. Anyway, I thought this was awesome, see you later!

Watching women.

When they sell shoes that aren't that comfortable to wear while walking, they should sell the shoes in doubles -- the fancy shoe, and a more comfortable, flats version of the same shoe, so that women can switch out.

Just lookin' out for y'all.

everything cream cheese

for everything bagels.

Lil' Davey Lynch.

A claymation show in the style of David & Goliath about the early years of David Lynch.

Double-decker

BMW Minis.

the

rotary cellular telephone.

Ant farm computer.

Make a clear-case computer and fill in the empty space around the processors and the screen to be an ant farm. Get a clear wireless keyboard and connect a wire from it to the computer monitor so that ants can travel between the two.

Boring versions of action movies.

'Highlander' is about a sheep-herder in the highlands.
'Lord of the Rings' is about a Jewish ring-maker.
'Die Hard' is about an old man holding on to the last strands of life.

Wikitude for airplanes

Wikitude is a smartphone app that acts as a mobile travel guide by pointing out points of interest around you through the camera on your phone. There should be a similar device that you could use in flight while looking out the window of an airplane.

New Motown

Contemporary songs, re-recorded in the style of old Motown records. Maybe you could even take songs that aren't pop, r&b, or soul and Motown-ize them.

Someone should do ads

for the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning.

Save newspapers.

Newspapers behave like the internet is destroying them, when all the internet is doing is providing another model, which the newspaper seems uneager to reproduce. Newspapers should behave like the internet -- become aggregates for whatever's out there. What's cool and interesting and new. Funny pictures, et al. They can't exactly post youtube videos, but they can talk about them, and they can interview the people behind them and they can lead to the newspaper website, at least. Maybe this is retarded.

A computer with no screen.

Rough idea, and it's not the most practical thing in the world, but I was thinking there could just be sort of the lower-part of a laptop -- the keyboard and processors, etc., but it could display the computer screen via projections. So the front of the keyboard-thing would have a projector that would turn any surface into a computer screen. I don't know who would use this.

3-d without glasses.

This may be retarded, but couldn't they, conceivably, just place a lens over the regular theater screen that has the 3-d shit or whatever? So it's just automatically 3-d? I could imagine a problem with the projector passing through the lens to the other screen, but I don't imagine traditional projection methods will be around that much longer. And that problem doesn't really effect TV.

Walking.

A pedometer that plays 'Every Step You Take' EVERY TIME YOU TAKE A STEP.

Windows.

Similar to my old idea about having desktop backgrounds that can move, this could be something for Windows and I'm only saying that because it's appropriate, but they could make desktop backgrounds that are live-feeds of, like, one spot in the outside world. Like you're looking out of a window instead of a screen all day. Does that make sense? Okay.

a desktop widget

a widget that instead of telling the temperature outside it instead tells you what to wear. and it wouldn't be the word "light jacket" it would be an adorable little drawing of a light jacket.

Dookie cutters.

Cookie cutters for your dookie so that it comes out shaped like stars and little men and Christmas trees.

Let's see those Steal Our Ideas guys come up with this sort of shit. I can fucking draw a picture of it if you want.

Facebook/MySpace/etc partnership with Glamour Shots

There should be a partnership between social networking sites and Glamour Shots. For less than it costs to get regular portraits done, Glamour Shots could take your picture for your social networking profiles and send them to you as digital files. You would get to use the cheesy backgrounds as well.

Augmented reality and my Yo! MTV Raps trading cards

Augmented reality is blowing up now. Topps did a thing where you hold up these special baseball cards to your webcam and through the magic of augmented reality you see a digital representation of the player on your screen, which you can then play games with.

I have a bunch of old Yo! MTV Raps trading cards from the late 80's. I want to be able to hold up those cards to my webcam and display a digital likeness of the rappers performing their songs. Or a digital turntable which would then play the artist's song that I could then "scratch" by moving the card around.

.borg

When they do another Star Trek movie involving the Borg, they should do a promotion where you can end any website's name with '.borg' and the Borg will assimilate the website into the Borg collective.

A documentary

...about the guys who write/direct the _____ Movie spoof franchise. Because I'm really curious to see all of the behind the scenes discussions and deals that allow them to keep making those horrible movies.

This idea also applies to Shawn and Marlon Wayans.

a name for a gas station porno

thank you. come again!

University Buy-Back

Ok, so they TRY to help us out by buying our books back (but honestly, we usually end up screwed over anyway because the publishers decided to add an extra 4 pages and thus its a new "edition" to sell...ugh) but I've got a better idea. At the end of the year, the university could buy back unneeded "college gear" from new grads and kids moving out of the dorms into bigger apartments/housing. They'd buy the plastic plates, the futons, shower caddies, etc. that students no longer wanted, giving grads a little extra cash to get going into the working world and other students a little bonus for making it through the year. Then, as each school year starts, the university would have a huge sale for all the incoming students. It'd be especially beneficial for students coming from out of town and that couldn't bring larger items like desks and TVs with them and keep them from having to do the ridiculous IKEA/Target mad run before classes start. I imagine the university could even pair up with companies like Target and Walmart who could essentially help buy back the goods before it sells to the new students. It'd bring in some great PR for both the companies and the university and bring a little extra financial aid to kids in some of their poorest days. 

Might pose a bit of a storage issue but could be really interesting.

Redneck vacation.

I want to do one of those variations on those 'Redneck ______' e-mails my dad sends me and take a picture of someone with a bunch of shopping buggies filled with stuff tied to the back of their car going down I-95, like it's their trailer.

Signs in front of a therapist's office.

At the beginning of the day, they say 'We're copin!' (open???)

And at the end of the day, they say 'We're closed (emotionally).'

Prank.

I want to go to all of the mannequins in store-fronts and give them giant junks that go down their leg inside their pants.

Penises, I mean.

Or camel-toes or whatever kids are into.

Fuck links.

I got an idea for a web service, see. Taking the model of www.schematic.com (see picture), which lays all of the sites webpages out before you, this would be a site where you, say, go to a wikipedia article and everything that links off of that page would float off and half-way load so that you can get an idea of the amount of links on that site. Kind of Visual Thesaurus-style. When you then go to another link, all of the links will float off that page, and keep going and keep going and keep going. That's my idea, see.

Stock photos.

There should be services where I/people/agencies can hire people to look for stock photos. Nobody enjoys doing this shit.

Text Voicemail

I want an option to receive voicemails as text, and send voicemails as text. Sometimes I really want to know what someone wanted, but am not in a place where it's appropriate to listen to a message (I'm reminded of class, where it's still disrespectful but at least it's discreet). Similarly, sometimes I have something to tell someone who I know is at work but its too long to text (I don't have a full keyboard and cannot figure out T-9 for the life of me, so it takes a while...) I want to be able to have my voicemail translated into text for me.

Synchronized music

This might be difficult to explain so bear with me. In 1997 The Flaming Lips released an album titled Zaireeka, which consists of four discs. Each disc has eight songs. The songs on each disc correspond with each other in such a way that if you play all four discs simultaneously, the result is a harmonious, synchronized piece of music. You don't have to play all four discs, you can play any combination you want to get different effects.

My idea would involve more than one artist, and it could be a new form of collaboration. Let's say you get two or three or four or more artists together to make a few songs in such a way that each song stands alone on it's own or could be played simultaneously to get a mash-up like effect. It would be even cooler if the artists didn't tell anyone about this then like several months later say "Oh by the way, check out what happens when you play our song at the exact same time as this Radiohead song and this MF Doom track and this Miley Cyrus song." Heads would explode.

mini fruit trees

they'd produce mini fruit. adorable.

Sell me your soul.

If I had a billion dollars, I would start a website where I would ask people to sell me their souls for one dollar. And then I'd give 'em a dollar!

Unhealthy vegetarian food.

I've cut out drinking caffeine for the health benefits.
I'm going vegetarian for the moral superiority.
Make that shit greasy or something.

Monster faces in cars.

I think they should start designing the insides of cars, or start making decals or hangers-ons that can turn your stereo/AC/glove compartment into monster faces.

Philosophical Jeopardy.

The answer to every question is

'......why?'

A skit? I don't know.

Ethnic stock photography houses.

Only pictures of black people. And those other races, I guess.

Twitter stories.

Stories in exactly 140 characters.

An InDesign version of text editors.

Where if you make one change that has to go through many, you just make changes to the 'master page.' Maybe I could just do that in InDesign. No, that would be silly.

I don't necessarily want to un-follow anyone on Twitter.

I'd just like it so that if they said certain words, I wouldn't hear them.

Burger cookie.

Cookie on top, meat in the middle, cookie on bottom.

Weighted forks.

So that when you eat, you work out. Or when you eat, it's too much of a burden, so you give up.

A twitter idea

I'm just as sick of hearing about Twitter as everyone else, but I had a Twitter idea, so bear with me. While it's occasionally interesting to see the trending topics of the general Twitter populace, I would like to be able to see trending topics within a specific group of people. Namely my friends and friends of my friends. I think those topics would be more relevant to my interests. Although I still got love for you Oprah.

MP3 music store.

Some way to combine the idea of a record store with the inherent better-ness of MP3s. Sorry, this is a rough idea: You bring your iPod to the store and you can 'browse records,' but you buy by sticking your iPod into the slot of the 'record' and downloading one, two, or all of the songs. This is a stupid idea.

a twitter feed

only postings of when you fart.

Subway breakfast menu.

I ate leftover chicken breast sandwich at 9 AM. Bad idea. Pancake-bread wraps. Waffle subs. Strawberries, eggs, bacon, sausage. Goodbye.

A TCM for classic television.

Johnny Carson and Steve Allen Tonight Shows would air every night. Sid Caesar and the like. TV Land would become like the AMC to this network's TCM.

Make your own Clutch Cargo

Clutch Cargo was a cartoon in the late 50's/60's notable for superimposing real human lips on minimally animated characters. You might be more familiar with this technique as it was used on Late Night with Conan O'Brien as Conan "interviewed" celebrities such as Arnold Schwarzenegger, Michael Jackson, Bill Clinton, and Donald Trump.

There should be a website where you can make your own Clutch Cargo-style videos. I imagine it would be pretty easy to do with a webcam. There could be different templates to make your own parody videos or music videos. Then you would be able to share these videos or send them as e-cards.

Movie trailers as prequels.

Alfred Hitchcock filmed a woman who was not Janet Leigh being stabbed in the shower for the trailer to 'Psycho.' Which brings me to my next idea: movie trailers that serve as prequels for the film. If it's the next Friday the 13th, for instance, the trailer is a woman being stalked and murdered who is *not* in the movie, but could say/lay down seeds for things that *do* happen in the movie. Or if it's a drama, it's just a small interaction between the main characters that sets them up without giving anything away.

TV Sitcom-ize yourself.

Type in your name and put in your face and you'll be on the cover of a DVD like 'A Matter of Life or Beth' with episode summaries and a cast of characters.

Internet staring contests.

Webcam registers your face and then, uh, you stare at somebody until somebody blinks. This is awesome.

3D

3D contact lenses!

An eco water park

Built into the side of a mountain.
Slides could just follow the angle of the mountain.
It would be fun.

a yard sale

where early birds are encouraged.

A 'similar words' reference book

that isn't a thesaurus. Like, if you searched 'love,' you wouldn't just get synonyms for love, you'd get words like 'hope' and 'justice' and shit. Or words that belong in a certain era are grouped together. Maybe 'visual thesaurus' does this. I don't know.

Digital Wingman

An iphone app that you can subtly activate with one touch while the phone's still inside your purse that makes your phone ring, thusly giving you the excuse to take the call and walk away.

Flickr links

I wish Flickr embedded a link into your picture when you upload to their site. I like to download pictures with a Creative Commons license to use in projects I am working on. Sometimes I forget to write down the source when downloading the pictures, especially if I'm grabbing a bunch at the same time. It would be easier to attribute the pictures to the source if the Flickr URL was included in the information when I right-click and select "Get Info."

Deodorant 3-Day Samples

Because once you buy it, you're stuck with it for months, and sometimes I feel like switching 'cause I'm looking for a better product, not just a better scent.

Probably also would get me out of the cycle of buying men's deodorant for myself, as I have been for the past 6 years. I just don't trust anything else!

Get people to watch reruns.

Simple idea. During reruns of The Colbert Report or The Daily Show, film an extra minute of footage or so. Or put web-video content or outtakes or something during reruns of 'Ellen' and 'Will & Grace.' Or air commentary tracks over the footage. Anything that gives you a reason to at least tune in.

A reverse sitemeter.

Sitemeter works by telling the people who run a website how long someone spends on their website. Google analytics and all that. The reverse sitemeter would work by telling you, the person viewing, how much time you spend at particular websites. Like last.fm tells you how many times you've listened to a song, this tells how many times you go to a website, how long you stay, etc.

A Photoshop

of a tree with 'CROATOA' carved into the bark in Comic Sans.

A gravy moat.

Ceramic dishes with a castle in the middle and a moat along the brim for your soup or gravy or sauces or what's your pleasure. And a working drawbridge. Or an entire dinner table with a castle in the middle and a gravy moat along the rim and you can put the dishes on the towers and ramparts. Along these lines, maybe Lego-branded eating utensils/plates, with different settings for your kids to eat off of.

A 30-minute show

devoted to pee-wee hockey. No announcer, no commentators. Just the game, man. http://13gb.com/videos/3923/

A richter scale

for your poots that you wear in your back pocket oh my god, I love this idea.

Video screen basketball hoop

Gizmodo wrote about Spalding's new basketball hoop with speakers and an mp3 player hook-up. I thought it was a great idea.

But what if they went a step further and made a basketball hoop with an LCD screen backboard. That way you can watch a basketball game while you play. Or maybe the screen can be motion/pressure sensitive and display some type of visualization while you make/miss shots or dunk. Or it can keep score/time like those arcade basketball games.

Middle-class Sci-Fi.

Movie idea. Earth's first housing colony on Mars is in trouble... until a couple of guys decide to start Mar's first football league! Woohoo!

A banner ad

with the message really tiny and the 'CLOSE' button very large.

I would like

if a page displayed where I got a link from. Because I forget. Or I click all those tinyurls on Twitter and I can't trace them back to a source.

a tattoo magazine special edition

this special edition would focus on the hair styles bald men can get tattooed on their head. it's half hair style magazine half tattoo magazine. "i'd like the mullet tattoo please."

a blog notebook

the paper would look like a blog post. you fill in the post at your leisure. a quick mock up:

contact lenses for pets

and also glass eyes for pets.

the vacuum zamboni

pretty much like a riding lawn mower but instead a vacuum. 

a microcosm dome

this works much the same way a biodome does. for example a microcosm dome for bees and only bees.

America clock.

If I had some sort of flash skill, I would make an online clock of America that gets darker on the east coast before the west coast. If that makes sense.

Here's a picture I made.

Font color wheel.

Fonts have complementary fonts just as colors have complementary colors. Someone (not me) make a color wheel for which fonts go with which fonts. Tertiary can be, like, Headline->Sub-head->Body Copy, but it can go beyond that. Thank you.

Cereal-branded milk.

Cinnamon Toast Crunch-milk tastes like the milk at the end of a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
Fruity Pebbles-milk tastes like the milk at the end of a bowl of Fruity Pebbles.
I could go on.

a camera bag

one that doesn't make you look like a tourist.

iphone app

an app that makes it look like your phone is cracked and broken. this way no one will want to steal your phone and you'll always know which one is yours.

this idea came to me in a dream

a sushi restaurant where all the sushi chefs are magicians. lets say you order sashimi. the magician chef would take his knife and make it look like he cut off part of your arm but it would be pieces of sashimi that would fall on your plate. there would be all sorts of magical things that could happen.

Video.

A mash-up of Christian Bale's Batman voice talking to Jackie Earle Haley's Rorschach voice. There's something here, folks.

Root beer/birch beer packaging idea

Two liter mini kegs made of wood for root beer and birch beer. Like the Heineken draughtkeg but for old-timey soft drinks.

Capri Sun packaging idea

Capri Sun voodoo dolls. Stab your enemies and drink their blood (juice). This could also be a vampire-themed Halloween promotion.

cookie cakes

like pillsbury cookie dough but instead of individual cookies it rolls out into one giant piece of dough for when you want to make a cookie cake. they would come in both chocolate chip and sugar. 

claire addition: and there could be shaped cakes. roll out a heart or christmas tree.

A band

that makes TV theme songs for shows that will never exist.

Alex, get your guitar.

Brake lights.

In the shape of smiley faces.

Hardee's become Carl's Jrs.

Carl's Jrs. become Hardee's.

Gamble on resolutions.

Some sort of storefront where you can wager money on whether or not you're actually going to lose twenty pounds in two months.

A Classmates.com

for the people in your school/town/college that went on to become strippers and porn stars. Because I know Alicia Graham has to be one of those things.

Magnifying glasses above solar panels.

It Just Makes Sense.™

Heated roads.

Heated roads.

An album

Where all the song lyrics are inspired by Missed Connections posts on Craigslist.

Revised hot dog bun.

Grammy winners.

The Grammy's should have every album that wins its respective genre category be piled into the 'Best Album of the Year' category. So you find out who is up for 'Best Album' over the course of the night.

It beats an album being up for 'Best Rap Album' and it being the only album up for 'Best Album,' so it becomes a pretty easy thing to say it'll win 'Best Rap Album.'

Oscar winners.

According to this article, the Academy Awards used to be decided by a group of men in a room arguing about it.

http://www.dailyplastic.com/2009/02/80-years-old-the-academy-awards/

I would like to bring this back. Pick twelve people to go in a room and they argue their points and why they're right and they don't decide on a best picture until they have a unanimous decision. It's '12 Angry Men' for every single Oscar pick.

It beats people picking winners without having seen the damn thing, or having been seduced by popular opinion.

movie soundtracks

with ALL the songs from the movie.

clear socks

for when i don't want anyone to know my toes are cold.

A service

that reverses all sequences in British movies where they're driving on the opposite side of the road. I need it by 8 o'clock tonight.

Bus shelter ads.

The ones that glow at night. They should, like, emit warmth. It could be a cool homeless ad or something and be useful to actual homeless people but whatever, it's fucking cold waiting for a fucking bus.

Honest Baseball Cards

Baseball cards are too nice. There are a ton of players who are just awful. Baseball cards should tell you things like "This guy hasn't hit anything since he was traded from Atlanta" or "This guy should have retired five years ago" or "This card is worth less than the paper it's printed on because this guy is god-awful." It would be the perfect set of cards for hecklers.

What? Other people have ideas?

Not that I thought we were the only ones capable of coming up with ideas, but these people are getting way more attention for it. Of course, our ideas are waaay better.

http://www.sixmonthmba.com/2009/02/999ideas.html#more

Convicted sex offenders

should be made to wear squeaky shoes.

I actually mocked up one of my ideas.

I had an idea to do a word-of-the-day vocab lesson through film clips or music. I did the latter and put together two examples of what I was imagining. It could be a way to improve your vocabulary and discover new music.

Example 1 here.

Example 2 here.

I would make more, but I used Photoshop to make the graphics and my trial version ran out yesterday. Sad face.

I'm a crazy liberal, but...

I want a program where if you want to learn, the government makes that possible. I want the gov't to recognize I want to keep growing intellectually and support me in that endeavor. So if I want to read Tribes so I can talk with other planners about these ideas and the implications it assumes, I want the gov't to buy it for me, or give me an online copy of the book, or lend the text to me. I want to be able to take classes in various disciplines and experience cultural events, without being put at a financial disadvantage. 

A life scholarship? Yeah.

Fully immersive movie.

I want to do a thing where you, the viewer, essentially stands in the middle of a room and a movie plays all around you. For instance, if the subject was, say, Robert Kennedy's assasination, it would almost make you feel like you were a part of the crowd. The backs of people in front of you, the forwards of people in the back of you, Robert Kennedy walking towards the podium on the left and his assassin approaching from the right. It would create a sense of confusion and not knowing where to look which is, you know, a thing which moviegoers never asked for.

Movie plot generator.

I want to start a blog where people submit potential movie titles and someone (re: me) come up with a plotline around that title.

Mix-off.

I want to start a mix-off blog where, every month, a topic is unveiled and people have to make a 10-13ish set of songs that fit the mood of/tell a story around that theme.

An article I read.

Compared chess, and the fact that you were essentially controlling sixteen different characters, to an RPG. And I thought it would be cool if chess was reconfigured to the world of RPGs.

Two mice.

I want a computer game, flash game, whatever, where you hook up two mice to your computer, one for your left and right hand and then you, like, do something with that.

I know, I know -- you have to rub your belly and pat your (virtual) head at the same time.

Wait, wait -- it's a clay molding sculpture software thing.

Listen.

Swiffer, figure it out!

I want some kind of swiffer product that works on the page edges of books. You can't spray anything on the edges of the pages, but the dusting clothes don't really get the dust out either.

I want it to be swiffer just 'cause I like 'em.

Mail-order Obama

$4.99/month! One Obama at a time.

Mail-order books

A netflix for books.

My ears. IT BURNS.

TVs that automatically fix the volume level so that from show to show, commercial to commercial, and channel to channel it stays at the same volume. I know there are regulations on volume and that it's used strategically, but I DON'T CARE. It's frustrating and annoying.

Moving desktop.

It'd be nice if the wallpaper on your computer could move, like maybe a screensaver or video or gif or whatever, and you could still click the links like normal. Kind of how this site looks: http://1stavemachine.com/.

Vocab lessons with film/music

Generally the best way to improve one's vocabulary is to constantly read books. But books aren't the only places for big words. Imagine taking clips from movies and songs that use advanced vocabulary and editing them together into audio/video lessons. That would be neat.

Old songs. New videos.

I would like to see music video directors make videos for older songs, especially songs before the music video era. Or maybe re-interpretations of older music videos.

Surgical mask bra

Duh, gotta be thinking ahead for my next sexy halloween costume.

A clear phone?

I want my phone to combine the camera feature and simultaneously allow me to keep a layer of interface at the same time, so I can look stuff up or text people while walking and still see where I'm going.

Samples database

It's a wiki where people can identify samples in songs. It would be a searchable database as well.

TinyURL.

A downloadable thing from TinyURL that automatically copies all links as TinyURLs.

Song lyrics

Written entirely with YouTube comments.

Hibachi stand-up.

I would pay money to see a Hibachi chef stand-up comic who includes his grill in his act. This is my second Hibachi chef-themed post.

Also, I would like it if there was, like, an option to eat at those restaurants in a separate section where you don't have to put up with another iteration of the show and be able to talk to the person next to you.

Lower denomination bills in ATMs

For when you need to pay for parking and other things that require small bills.

eating utensils

that taste like meals. for when you want just a taste.

also, noisy foods made quieter. this will allow me to eat all the corn nuts i want when i go to the movies without getting punched in the face.

Screening.

Old answering machines let you hear the message as it was being made and, should you so choose, could let you pick up the call as they were still leaving the message. Maybe do this with voicemail? Hear the message as it's being made and 'hello!' as need be.

Notes on website.

It'd be nice if browsers let you make notes for specific websites. If you leave a site, when you come back, the note will be there and give you information that you for some reason wanted to remember. For instance, if you were looking for an apartment on one site and found out it had a 55% rating on another site, or wanted to note how close it was to other things, you could write it on the one page so you could compare it to all the others.

Kasey says.

A clock that squeaks instead of ticks so you'll never hear the mice in your apartment.

Desktop background.

I just wish there was a simple 'reverse' or '90 degree angle' option to the Mac choose desktop background screen. That's all.

Music video mixes.

I'd like to see somebody, anybody, maybe on that MTV music video site to start putting together music video mixes. To find a group of videos that tell a linear story or what have you. I'd eat that shit up.

iPhone stress ball.

Upload a picture of your boss, coworker, friend you no longer like, etc. and using the complex algorithms and magnetics that technology is made of, when you swing or punch your hand while holding your iPhone, it will bruise the picture and make groan-y sounds. The more you punch, the more beat they is.

Japanese Capsule Hotels At The Airport

I had a five-hour layover after sleeping three hours and before a seven hour flight.

Make your own baseball cards

I want to be able to make my own baseball cards using official design templates from card manufacturers like Topps and Upper Deck. There is already a site for this (MyTradingCards.com) but the templates don't look authentic, even though it seems they got permission from Topps to use them. The typefaces are all wrong and you can't even adjust the size of the text to make sure your name fits on the card. I want the option to add a custom team logo. On that site you can purchase your customized card and get it in the mail, which is cool, but you should have the option of getting a free JPEG of your card.

At the very least, there should be something like that Yearbook Yourself site where you upload a head shot and customize your name on an existing player card.

Disposable computers.

I don't expect this to happen but, hey, a few years, right. The same ideas as disposable phones. Need to use it for a brief amount of time, comes cheap, not really designed to last. No real capability other than limited surfing and lookin' at things. You left your laptop at home, want to have something to last you a brief while. You want to send out portfolios or presentations to employers, clients, whatever. Oh, it sounds crazy now, but you'll see. You'll see.

Parachutes on Commercial Planes

In the array of flotation devices and masks and the like to "save my life" (yeah, right) in a plane crash, there was no parachute, a thing that actually could save my life. Am I missing something?

Text Messages to 911

If you're, say, hiding in a closet in your house while a murderer is stalking your halls, wouldn't it be nice to not have to actually speak to the 911 operator to tell them to come save you from the man with a big knife who just heard you because they made you say your address and now you're dead.