a pill

that eb takes so he isn't so cranky when people aren't posting on this blog.

Some Kind of Technology for Dumb Phones

where I can send an email to someone's phone number as a text, from my gmail. And I can receive them (I don't have email on my phone.) I fucking hate typing text messages.

Scott Wolf and Stacey Dash

should star in a show together.

I think

we should call the '00s the dots.

truck taxis

say you see something on the street that you want but can't carry home with you. just call a friendly truck taxi driver and he'll help you get your free loot home for you.

Make Your Own Shower Music

With waterproof samplers, keyboards, and drum machines.

You know you want to.

In-Theater Blankets

You can't control the temperature in movie theaters so use the same system that airplanes use to help their passengers feel comfortable. Use small blankets that are sponsored by companies to pay for their cleaning and replacement. That way people can have a blanket and brands are helping that happen.

Itinerary?

Bad name for it.

I tend to open a page and then open a number behind them with the intention of reading them later and, unfortunately, I usually don't get to read everything I want to read by the end of the night. And I want to close my browser and shut down my computer. The easy answer is to bookmark what I haven't read yet, but I don't like that. They usually just clutter my browser by staying there forever, unlooked at. I want to be able to store unread links over to the side, in some sort of itinerary, so I can just check and uncheck it like mail so I can look at the things and, when I'm done, they go away.

I'm sure there are options for this, but I'm looking for something very specific.

Links thought-mapping.

So I go to Wikipedia, say, and on the one article I read leads me to ten other links, which I pull behind that article until I get ready to read it. Those articles lead me to ten other links, which lead to ten other links, etc., etc. All with the intention of reading them when I get to them. I want something that will thought-map the links, from one link to the other, so I can kind of look back and see the structure of how I got from Ramesses II to Manny Farber. Additionally, it will show the topics I was interested and didn't get around to reading, so I can go back later and explore them. Which leads me to my next idea.

Text conversations.

This may just be my phone.

When I go through my text messages, I have to go to inbox for incoming and sent for my messages, so I can't see the string of conversation, so I have to go in and out to retrace the conversation. Which is important, because I forget what I say.

I would like that option.

Umbrellas that automatically twirl.

Being a lady is serious business.

This will never happen but

in public bathrooms, they do you the good grace of having toilet seat covers, but when I pull down my pants, they touch the god-awful floor. Can I get some sort of replacement floormat so I can pull my pants back up without fear of someone else's peepee?

Trivia idea.

Dave's post reminded me.

Before movies, they show shitty trivia games and behind-the-scenes. They should use this as incentive for people to arrive early for movies. Have the trivia on-screen and the first person to text the answer gets free popcorn or if its an entire game, you arrive early so you can win a free ticket for next time, some such shit.

Additionally, and not as importantly, they should have stand-up before movies. I think that would be the cat's meow.

Audiobook radio stations.

Audiobook radio stations.

Doesn't have to be the whole thing, just a chapter. The same way a single represents an album.

the olympics

i don't have a television but i still want to watch the olympics. one would say "why didn't you just go to a sports bar?". but the thing is i would but i'm new to san francisco, which means i don't have many friends yet, and the idea of going to a sports bar until 1am on a tuesday alone is still a little scary for me. this problem could be quickly resolved if they had the videos of the events online for me to watch at my leisure. this would also be helpful because i'd be able to watch all those events they put on during the day that i miss while i'm at work.

and since dave brought up voicemail

a way to change the voicemail lady so she doesn't waste my time with the following message:

"you have one unheard message"
"first unheard message"

the following would suffice:

"your new messages to follow"

another texting idea

a way to get a text message update when the next arriving buses or public transit is coming to the stop you want. this way you know whether to start running or give up and wait for the next bus.

Identify my song.

It's easy to figure out the name of a song if you can remember a few lyrics to Google. But what if you don't know any words, or the words are very general, or it's a song with no words?

You should be able to call a number and leave a voicemail where you hum a few parts of the song you want to find the name to. That voicemail can be sent to a website where people can help you identify the song. The song name will be texted or emailed to you. People who guess correct songs can receive some kind of prize, like a free song download from iTunes or Amazon's mp3 store.

Parking meters.

Same texting idea as below, except it doesn't relate to laundry or oven timers.

Parking meters that text me when there's five minutes left on the meter. Put in your money, type in your number.

Blockbuster mail-ins.

I enjoy actually going to the store and browsing the selection, but the problem is having to go back to drop it off when I have no intention of picking up another movie. It's a waste of a trip and I'd rather incur late fees than bother. Blockbuster should send their movies out the door not in the plastic cases but those Netflix-styled mail-in envelopes so I can stick it in the mail when it's all done for. If they want to charge me for the mailing, whatever. Forty-howevermany cents is better than the 2.50 restocking fee.

Laundry Machine Notifications

I live in an apartment building (with a ton of other losers who can't afford houses) and we all share a laundry room. My laundry room is garbage because there is only two sets and one of the washers is broken so it's usually in use all the time. But also, I'm a retard because I'll put my stuff in there and then go off and do something else and forget that I have stuff in there. Or if I'm bored, I'll check two times before the thing is done. There has to be a better way.

There should be a way for us to plug in our phone numbers so that when our load it done, it'll send us a text for us to come down and pick it up. Or we can put our number in and add us to the waiting list so that when it's open and it's our turn, the damn thing will send us a text.

During the apartment hunt, one of the landlords showed me their massive laundry room. I bet if we have this system set up, it'll reduce the amount machines each building needs because it'll be used more efficiently.

Unlisten to Messages

I like how my email lets me check off emails as "unread." This is good for when I check my email early in the morning when I'm still out of it, I can mark an important email as unread and I will be more likely to come back to it when I am a little less dazed.

The idea is to have the same kind of feature for voicemail and answering machines for the same reason mentioned above, but it would also be good if you live in a house with an answering machine and you listen to a message that's left for another person in the house. You can push a button to mark the message as unlistened to so the answering machine still does whatever it does to alert you there is a new message.

Pay As You Go Online Storage

There are a lot of great online storage websites, but the problem is that they make you pay a subscription. I don't use it all the time so it's really wasteful. Also, when I do use it, it's more like temporary storage or a place that I can upload then send a link to someone else. There's a short lifespan on that stuff too.

So, for the sometimes/infrequent users like me, they should have a pay as you go system where I'll pay say 2 dollars to upload a 20MB file and keep it there for a month.

EZ Pass for Pay Parking Lots

Any excuse to not have to carry around change and dollar bills.

Smart Random on iTunes

You know how you can rate songs with stars? It would be nice if iTunes compiled the ratings on a network, so when I take 12G of random music off of someone's hard drive, it will play me the good songs. I guess this might have to be done by a third-party, since they probably want me to have bought all that music.

Trail Mix With No Raisins

I feel guilty wasting them.

Movie trailers.

In Wal-Mart and I'm sure other stores, you can pass certain CDs under this scanner to listen to select cuts. I would like for them to do this with DVDs. Scan them and then you can watch the dangblast trailer. I would watch the fuck out of this shit.

a food idea

breakfast flavored pizzas. toppings include but are not limited to: potatoes o'brien, cheese, scrambled eggs, sausage, bacon, canadian bacon, onions, and ketchup.

maybe i'd like pizza if it were in this format. maybe you'd like pizza more.

alex and eb, perhaps you could sell the breakfast pizza in school lunch format.

Horror movies based on the collected works of Simon and Garfunkel.

The Sound of Silence. Hello, Darkness...

Bridge Over Troubled Water. When darkness comes, and pain is all around...

Scarborough Fair. Are you going?


This is the least good thing I've ever been a part of.

waterproof newspapers/magazines

So I can read my celebrity gossip in a hot tub without getting arm cramps.

If only I were 18 again...

I went to a concert last night where I had to get a 21+ stamp on my hand.

Technically speaking, I could have brought in a bag of fake (or real), stamped, hands and demanded that I be served one drink per hand.

I wonder if anyone has tried this before.

IPhone rape whistle application

and a pepper spray application for the next time around.

Glow-in-the-dark spiders.

Let's assume Liz's spider GPS is on this side of incredulous, and try a logical, real-world solution to spider population control.

When you spray the bug spray, sometimes they don't die. It would be nice if the bug spray had glow-in-the-dark chemicals in them so that while they're walking around dazed and confused, you can find them again and perform a killing blow.

email copies of your reciepts

instead of wasting paper, it would be great if companies could just send you an email confirmation for your purchases. i know apple does it for their purchases but it would be nice if they did it at grocery stores and other places where you don't really need your receipt unless you were charged for two almond joy's when you only got 1 king sized one.

double decker matches

the top is for unused matches. the bottom for used matches.

an alarm clock

it won't beep or make a bad noise. it will just start telling jokes. that way you wake up smiling.

a yelp for individuals

a website where people can rate other people based on how good of a roommate they were or whether they paid their bills on time. so rental agencies know which people are the best for their buildings.

a half speed button/elevator speedlimit

a half speed button to press on elevators in these modern buildings. they go too fast sometimes so i hit floors i don't want to go to just to slow the elevator down.

ninjabread cookies

see title.