Sunday, July 25, 2010

When I run for governor.

Most politicians RUN for Governor. Well *I'm* going to walk for governor!, by walking across this great state of ours, meeting the fine people who make up its parts, yes, ma'am.

Wisconsin's new tag.

Always looking up!

Because it's big sky country!!

And hope.

Monday, July 19, 2010

I've been playing Mario a lot.

I want a Mario game where Bowser switches bodies with Mario, and he goes around destroying Mario's reputation, and Mario is Bowser, trying to save the world. AWESOME.

A type of serial killer.

Hello. If I was a serial killer, the serial killer I would be is this:

I would pick one person at random. I would then follow that person, and kill everyone with an important role in that person's life (wife, boss, lover, friend, family) in such a way as to make it seem like the random person was the last person to see them alive. With no real evidence to speak of other than simple time and place, the first death would be random, the second death might even be coincidence, but by the third death, that is a pattern.

I would rate my success as a serial killer not by how many people I kill, but by how many people I send to prison for my crimes.

THIS IS A NEW AGE.

Also, bow-and-arrows are underused devices.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Where I parked my car last night.

Something that lets you keep tabs on where you parked last night.
Maybe:
- a webservice. Foursquare-like, but not public. Check in when you park.
- a printed thing sent to you of a Google maps image with your apartment in the center, and the six-block radius surrounding it.

I invented a video game!

An idea for a videogame, anyway.

So you know how when you play the big, expansive Mario games? You explore the worlds you don't necessarily have to because you want to get everything, or try everything, because you want to get the most out of your game. You want to check out the secret worlds and get all the coins and jewels and you know.

Meanwhile, there is a fucking *princess* who has been kidnapped and is rotting in a cell. Let's assume they're not taking the best care of her and there are raging lizard hormones. Generally, Mario does not take into consideration that a lack of hustle means more pain for his dearly beloved.

So the natural game-playing technique is to just go after everything. I think. I don't think people just run through it to the end. That's less fun. So as people play THIS game, the one I'm describing, they will be very highly encouraged to do EVERYTHING. Fun mini-games! Go visit the secret world which is only available now! You can't come back later! You have to do it now or it will be gone! Fuck fuck fuck, I have to do this now, I have to go do this, fuck the princess.

So when you've beaten the game, you've gotten everything you need to, you fight the monster, you save the princess! And she is fucking dead. Dead, do you hear me? Your lolly-gagging bullshit killed your fucking princess.

So the only way to 'win' the game in the purest sense is to avoid all the bullshit and go straight for the princess. *MEANING* that by not enjoying the game (to it's full potential) means that you 'win' in the purest sense of the word. However, by enjoying the game to its full potential, you can never win.

To recap: Enjoy game, always lose. Enjoy game less, win.

This is art, people.