My eyes are small.

How about put the recommended dosage right there on the front next to the title. That'd be some shit.

Entertainment at the DMV

I'm thinking movies and arcade games like Big Buck Hunter. Maybe some food too.

a moon dial

so we all know what time it is at night.

since liz brought up nutella

nutbutter mixtures. part nutella part peanut butter. yes, please. also, it's fat-free.

Fat-free Nutella.

That's all.

Noise Cancelling Rugs

For when the guy down stairs insists on practicing those shitty bass lines all fucking night. Seriously dude? Your stuff is so slow and elementary that a coked out monkey with cerebal palsey can rock it blindfolded and drunk.

a clothing line-

where all the clothes are made entirely of marbles instead of fabric.

An Elevated Highway

That goes right over Northern Virginia. No exits, so it's just for people passing through. And no speed limit either.

Seriously, no one likes driving through Northern Virginia.

A rundown timer

that tells you how long you have left before your computer goes to sleep/screensaver.

So I can move my mouse.

Seriously People

You know how some neighborhoods have these signs:



Can we have some that say "Drama Free Zone"?

I'm just saying- why can't your nervous break down about wait until you get in the apartment?

Shampoo and Conditioner

with sunscreen in it, so you don't burn your scalp. Yes, please.

A movie about

a Hibachi chef who cooks Drunken Master style.

But, you know, he wants more.

Customer Rating System

Like customer comment cards for reviewing customer service, but the opposite. Employees at restaurants, stores, and other places of retail get to rate you on how good or bad of a customer you are. A bad rating would be like a bad credit report. The more you are the dick customer everyone hates, the less rewards, sales, and special treatment you are entitled to.

cellular telephones

sometimes i forget my cellular telephone charger places and i can't get to it time before it dies. i want a little baby solar panel on my phone so it can charge while i'm on my way to get my charger.

if it already exists, i just want someone on the street to give it to me when i need it. that doesn't exist yet.